12/31/2005 5:23 pm

It appears as though this will be my last entry of 2005. Farewell year, you seem awfully short now that i think about it, but this year i'm not gonna think about it too much.

As far as my new years plans, they are not too exciting, but better than just sitting around my house...i'm going for a razzling dazzlin good time at adam's for awhile and then over to robocop's for pizza and shrimp (?). Anyways, it should be just a good old fashioned relaxed time, that is unless someone else calls me and provides something else to do, either way i'm pretty agreeable.

So here's my toast to the last full calendar year of high school, you weren't particularly bad to me, but you could have been better, but you could have been a lot worse too. No complaints here. May 2006 be full of carpe diem-ing all around, good food, good friends, good jokes, good memories, and most of all l o v e.

12/30/2005 11:33pm

This is my YB06 friend alex. sounds bad but i never realized how truly hot she was until today when i took her picture. i mean i knew she was cute and all, but look at her, she's on fi-ya! The pix turned out nicely, which always makes me happy, and needless to say i'm doing much better today than i was yesterday, i just have these mood swings sometimes, plus the sun finally came back out today and it was incredibly warm which is an instant morale-booster for me.

I cant believe tomorrow is new years eve. it doesn't seem like its time to be 2006 yet. i'm not ready for this. no really, i'm not ready for this...i have nowhere to go and nothing to do for new years and i am absolutely refusing to stay at home and watch my parents doze off on the couch at 9:30 like i have done for the past 18 years.

I just want to have a good time and to ring in the new year with people who's company i can enjoy. i was holding out for a kiss at midnight, but it seems as though the closest i'll get to that will be some girl-on-girl action from one of my friends, if i'm fortunate enough even for that.

Beggars can't be choosers.

I'm excited for the rest of break cause i'm actually gonna have cool stuff going on...namely me and amanda going to the ghetto kroger late at night! I suppose sleep will be at a premium in the forthcoming days, so farewell to all my loyal readers (ha) and a happy and safe new year to you.

12/29/05 11:27 pm

DISCLAIMER: Please excuse any insanity you may see or have seen from me today, in recent times, or possibly ever, it seems i am not quite myself.

Man i don't know what my deal is. I think its just that being on break and not being too terribly busy the past few days has allowed me plenty of time to think to myself, and with me that is a recipe for a very dangerous situation. I have found myself being frustrated with the same thing over and over again for the past few years, often in different contexts, but always ultimately the same thing: I guess I feel like I've always gone out of my way to be a good kid, and sometimes being such a good kid almost makes me mad, because I'm pretty sure I've missed out on some awesome. Now of course I'm not saying I'm perfect, by NO means is that true, but I think my parents have gotten used to having a kid that strives to be as good and perfect as possible, and now that's really becoming an issue.

Am I trying to run the streets at night as a crack dealer in Steve Madden heals? No of course not. I'm just tired of all this hokieness. My folks tend to make a big deal of things that aren't actually a big deal (prob cause they are "sheltered" parents) so I know if I did anything out of the ordinary it would be a huge issue.

I don't think any of this actually makes any sense now that I've typed it out...thats prob part of the reason why I struggle with it so much, its so hard to grasp exactly what the problem is and honestly I think I'm prob just making something out of nothing.

I'm just so damn tired.

Then again, tomorrow I'll probably be fine.

Somebody slap me I'm a frickin emo kid.

12/29/05 12:46 am
Check out my pix today at the antique mall complete with my fancy smancy name tag with my cooler alter ego photographer supergirl "suburbanite" (she fights the mundaness of everyday life in surburbia by laughing at everything...its pretty awesome) I guess this is just another step in me working my way toward some kind of professionalism in my work, whatever that means.

Selma yesterday was as to be expected. My great aunt Ouieda kinda freaked me out with some VERY SCARILY accurate insight which I wont go into here and now. The trip was only for the day, but was seemed long, however it was redeemed by three things:
1. A gorgeous sunset over the Alabama River (whoever says that nature isn't the best color pallette is an idiot)
2. Due to the lack of industry or otherwise civilization (disputed only by a few car dealerships and the Super WalMart) I could actually see the stars... if you know anything about me you know I LOVE the moon and the stars
3. The FABULOUS music I had the great fortune of being able to listen to on the way there and back. (Mad props to my peeps Robocop and YoYoYousuf for that one)

Today I slept a lot b/c I got about 3 hours last night. It was a yucky day and therefore not good for much, except a short expedition to the antique mall for a photo op. Even puzzle night was kind of a wash, however it was redeemed by three things as well:
1. Amanda. Cmon you can't deny the girl is amazing. She is my girlcrush after all.
2. Chocolate chip cookies. They redeem everything.
3. The Notebook. Yes I have seen that movie too many times and yes it is the stereotypical love story, but I mean what a beautiful story! And Noah is looking prettay hott!

Hmmm I think I told myself I'd go to bed an hour ago. At this point i'm not quite sure.

I want to live
where soul meets body
and let the sun
wrap its arms around me
and bathe my skin
in water cool and cleansing
and feel what its like to be new
cause in my head
there's a greyhound station
where i send my thoughts
to far off destinations
so they may have a chance of finding a place
where they're far more suited
than here.

12/26/05 11:58 pm

So the pic above is basically a perfect descriptor of my friends and our relationship: insane losers we are, but we are slowly working our way towards normalcy and social acceptance. haha! Grrr tomorrow i have to go to selma, alabama for the day to visit with my relatives. this year my parents gave me the option of not going since "i'm 18 and can make my own decisions" but i feel bad for not going since i have no justification for doing so, soooo off i go to bama. the liscense plates in alabama say "the stars fell on alabama" (leave it to alabama to use lynard skynard lyrics on governmentally-issued vehicle ids...hey its okay for me to make fun of the state, cause i'm from there...kinda like how its okay for girls to call each other b*tches but not for guys to call them that) so anyways, i'm getting the impression that the stars did indeed fall ON alabama, as in they fell on top of the state leaving a path of too many "days gone by" and destruction. its a sad sight to witness. oh well. now if i could only get my parents to truly put into practice that whole "you're 18 you can make your own decisions" thing in all aspects of my life....

Lyrics of the day:

its good to be in love

and really thats so true

just like everything

im happy you're in love

cause every color

goes where you do

-"Good to be in Love" Frou Frou (reminds me of this afternoon when I went a lightning-paced 10:31 mile on the treadmill-snaps for me!)

Another Christmas Comes to Pass

12/25/05 10:54 pm
Hello all, and a Merry Christmas to you! I love Christmas but at this point, it kinda makes me sad...its really just another reminder of the inevitable passage of time, it freaks me out to think about how this is my last true Christmas at home and how it seems like yesterday when I was sitting there thinking: "next year will be my last true Christmas at home." It also makes me sad to think back upon how exciting this time of year was when I was younger and how it isn't quite the same anymore, but then again I guess nothing really is. I'm coming to realize that I am inevitably an emo kid, no white belts or anything, but otherwise I'm all over it, I guess I will accept it and move on with my life : )
Soooo other than the fact that I am crazy emotional right now, I had a great Christmas at home w/ my parents and Coco (see us looking equally sexay in front of the tree above). I got a lot of camera equipment, which, if all goes well, I will be using a lot in the next few weeks!
Christmas is over so now I guess I can concentrate on not being a fat kid for two seconds and going to the gym! Haha! Well fair audience member(s?) I know this has been as entertaining for you as it has been for me, but apparently I have swim practice in the morning, so I must leave you for now. Miss me, I know you will.

Man what a day. Last night was the shindig which was kinda sad b/c its our last one but mostly sad b/c we are all a bunch of old women who enjoy knitting and going to bed at 9:30...if only Ash's room wasn't kept at a constant 50 degrees! I got up and went out to breakfast w/ my artner, which was insanely fun although i'm not really sure whyit was so amazing...sometimes people just need each other, and sometimes people just get each other, i guess. Went to the gym and pretended i was really killing myself although i'm quite sure i wasn't, oh well i guess i'll never achieve that lofty goal of becoming Miss Fitness Georgia. Went to Cairbou to mediate, didn't have to do much, my friends are gonna work this out, i know they will b/c they love each other too much not to. Went to secret santa party at sarah's...lots of food yuuummm, i love my presents, i love christmas b/c everyone is just so happy to be around and enjoy each other's company. Not to mention i have always loved sarah's house...simply put, a lovely evening.
I feel like I had a lot of stuff to do and a lot of loose ends to tie up before Christmas. Today was the day I did all that. I feel so much better now. I feel happy. Floating.
Song of the day (well I have two):
The Trapeze Swinger-Iron & Wine
Sparks-Coldplay
.gotta love it.