1/7/2006 11:36 am

It came back again last night. I hate it. It always builds up and then rears its ugly head at the worst of times. Amanda calls it "Dark Angie", basically the sum of my insecurities and mental issues. So whatever jumble that follows this, take with a grain of salt, its mainly a stream of conciousness that might not even be in english, and you are after all dealing with a crazy woman.

To all my friends, why can't u just leave me alone? Would it be so bad if something in my life changed? If i was maybe just a tad bit different than what you thought? Sometimes i get tired of being the one who hears about everyone else's fabulous lives but isn't allowed to have one of her own. I know i'm naive and inexperienced, but did you ever stop to think for once that just maybe i know something you don't, that maybe that's why i'm so different? That i am not willing to just accept whatever comes my way, i want a glorious experience in all aspects, and if that's too much to ask, then i guess i never considered myself a low maintenence individual. I'm not asking anyone to bow down and worship me or anything, i'm just saying i need people to be ok with me, and if u can't do that then honestly get the hell away from me, i don't need false allies and two-faced liars around. What i do need is people who will love me.

I don't allow myself to feel. Feeling is bad. Feeling is when you get hurt. If you can just go through your days like an iron wall everything will be okay and you won't have any problems, right? Wrong. I'm sooo tirrreed of just locking myself up from all the world has to offer me b/c i'm afraid. I frustrate myself so damn much sometimes.

Feelings make you sad but feelings make you happy too. Now that i think about it, i'm not so sure i've been happy in a while. God, why do i have to be like this, why can't i just be normal and ok?

The bottom line is i am so tired of trying to be perfect and be everything for everyone i just want to scream.

This must be incredibly entertaining. Welcome to the Angie Show, its just like a bad Alanis Morresette song except less Canadian. Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Angie Watson, here it is, i can't believe she'd put herself this far out here on the internet. Truth is, i don't know where to go or what to do anymore, i'm not so sure anyone understands whats going on and most of my friends are oblivious to most of whats going on in my life at any given time anyway. I try so haaaaarrrddd to be perfect, and i just can't anymore. I can't stay in this place b/c its just a vicious cycle that keeps coming back to haunt me, it alludes me always, and i just want it to go away for good.
me:

gusthewhale: u don't even know the half of it
gusthewhale: i'm dying
gusthewhale: i'm going insane
gusthewhale: i can't do this anymore
gusthewhale: i'm a wreck
gusthewhale: i've had this problem for so long
gusthewhale: and it just gets worse
gusthewhale: last week i thought i was losing my mind
gusthewhale: i can't be this way anymore
gusthewhale: perfect
gusthewhale: is not perfect
gusthewhale: and its not life
gusthewhale: and its not happy
theguitarsquall: say it with me angie
theguitarsquall: "im done with this shit"
theguitarsquall: "fuck this shit, im not being perfect anymore"
theguitarsquall: come on, say it angie
gusthewhale: i'm burning daylight
gusthewhale: i can't be this way anymore
gusthewhale: b/c i think too much
gusthewhale: and i don't have to be a bad kid
gusthewhale: but i can't be everybody's everything anymore
gusthewhale: i just want to be
gusthewhale: sometimes
gusthewhale: i wish
gusthewhale: that everyone would just leave me alone for a minute
gusthewhale: so i could just be ok
gusthewhale: this is me yousuf
gusthewhale: you want to know ginger the redhead
gusthewhale: this is her
gusthewhale: this is how she feels
theguitarsquall: and this is her at her finest
gusthewhale: this is her struggle

this is her struggle indeed. thank you for watching the Angie Show, feel free to return to your normal lives while she figures out what the hell she's supposed to do with hers, it should make for entertaining sequential episodes.