If i could do anything right now what would i do you ask?

well curious reader, i would go outside somewhere out in the nowhere part of town where you can see the stars and there are big open fields with huge old trees, a place where you cant quite decide if its super sketchy or super beautiful.

my two favorite things to do at night when its nice out are swimming and talking and walking wih someone i love.

there's something about night that makes people become more of who they are. its like the darkness serves as a mask that allows us to believe that in the morning, all that was said and done will not neccesarily be forgotten completely, but rather written off and excused. the required excuse being nothing more than "it was late at night" or the like. the night makes people talk deeply and get philosophical with each other. the night makes true feelings come out. the night makes people want to party. the night sometimes makes me sleepy and sometimes makes me feel so alive there's no way i could miss a second to sleep. the night brings dreams, which are apparently just suppressed and unexpressed desires of our day lives. the night makes me want to be in love a lot. night is both simple and complex and it is my favorite time of day.

tonight was honors night. many many honors were had. i should know, i sat through all two hours of it. however, i did think it was cool to see all the accomplishments of people. kinda makes you see a little more good in people you may not have seen in such a positive light. i was recognized for a scholarship i got, and surprisingly got the department award for TAG. that was definitely unexpected. and i know youre supposed to think these awards are stupid and not take them seriously, but this award really does mean a lot to me. i mean directed study isnt exactly supposed to be a rigorous difficult academic class, but there were countless times that i put the work i did for that class ahead of academic work and i certainly put a lot more energy and personal investment into my TAG endeavors. for this reason it means a lot to me to see my efforts recognized.

one more day. i think i should be freaking out about this or getting insanely excited about friday or even just the fact that summer is starting in just a few days. but to be completely honest, i just feel numb. each day is just another day. i think this is wrong.

but thats the way we get by.