theres nothing worse than being sick on your first real day of summer. i cant help but superstitiously believe that this is some kind of sick omen that is hanging over my summer, bringing the ultra sunny forecast of heartache with a 90 percent chance of sadness.

but no. that's not a good way to think. its summer time to get happy.

i also decided to from now on screw ambiguity in this blog. the people who read it probably already know the real story anyways, so there's no use in tiptoeing around the real issues going on inside my head for the sake of making sure my deepest secrets dont get out. and for those of you who dont know all my secrets, you just got a free ticket right into the heart of me...enjoy the show!

so i havent really started working yet at any of my three jobs, which is kinda nice to be able to have a little time of...i'll start at Haigwood in a week or two, and i'll start with nasa as soon as my boss emails me...and then magnolias is always up in the air. so this week is really mostly about a few things:

*going to the gym and trying to get my body back in order after three weeks of bouts of binging and starvation and meals within which the highest nutrient-providing aspect was the peanut m and m's shoved down before hitting the dance floor.

*catching up on sleep. not only did i go so hard this past weekend that i pretty much got no sleep, but i honestly can't remember the last time i went to bed before 11 o clock. i used to be so good, but someone made me so bad.

*helping my mom get ready for her trip. w00t no parents!

*thinking too much. my heart is in two different places. i'm in love. its a mistake i know im making. this brings inner confliction.