ever have one of those days when you feel like you feel so many things that if you tried to convey them all it would come out as this emotional vomit of words and ideas and gestures and pictures and music and sights and smells and actions?

welcome to me today.

heres whats in my brain:

-my 96's in every class are completely MIA. i knew it wouldnt last long. but this is bad very bad because of:

- 2nd thing. im starting to view this whole college thing differently now. whats so bad about moving around a little bit? i mean yes its a pain in the ass to transfer, if not impossible, particularly in lew of my major. but what a journey it could be to just start over every year. think of all you could see and all the people you could meet. this referencing number 1, i must keep the good old grades up because my opportunity finally came. the thing i was looking for all this time. spring at nyu program. i could go. i could live there for five months. it would be safe enough that i could see myself doing it but cool enough because hello its new york. listen at me talking though...i probably wont go.

-im out of love. like i know my emotions change vampidly from hour to hour but seriously i just feel very over it right now. its sad when you realize youve never been in love despite maybe what you thought you thought. no ones really ever loved me like that, and i cant say the same in return. i suppose there's nothing wrong with it, its just a little sad to think about it. im just not interested right now. everything that comes my way is unwelcome, jackass, annoying, morally wrong, or taken. it just isnt working for me right now. id like to find someone who believes the same things i do. who will truly make me a better person. who i can introduce to my friends with confidence. and who i dont have to convince myself i like or who doesnt have to win me over. these things are not occuring now and actually never have occured, so i think im gonna sit this one out for a sec.

-john mayer

-i cant wait to go home for thanksgiving and see everyone. if amanda comes this weekend, kelley and robyn come the next weekend, and my other two girlies come the next weekend. then ill have my formal the next weekend and lets pray i can get a date to that one, thanksgiving will be here before you know it. i cant wait to eat turkey. go to cheesecake factory with my girls. have coffee with sarah. sit around with kelley and my mom. then the end of the semester will be here and they tell me it gets better after that.

-just got an email from kelly telling me haigwood's only gonna need me on weekends during Christmas break. i dont know what im going to do i need money badly. im thinking of all the things i want to do in the future and quickly realizing this is absolutely going to break me financially. then i wonder what im going to do next summer. long ways off i know. the studio doesnt need me anymore. jeremy's at the other studio ive always wanted to work at, but would that be awkward? would they take me? theres always the restaurant, but i just never really found that fulfilling in the long term. dont get me wrong i love it there too.

i want to be a bartender...is that really wrong? i dont think anyone would ever see me doing that either...probably a reason for that. maybe i should go to school for it. ill be the only living bartender who doesnt drink.

-then i just sit here and stare at facebook and think of the 123987128973 things i need to do...all things that would help accomplish these long term goals that worry me so. and instead i pop another reece's into my mouth and write this damn thing.