smooth like knoxville (grits & a handjob)

i am envious of this girl for several reasons.

1.shes a pimp.
2.she has something in her life that she is absolutely amazing at
3.most importantly these days, she knows where shes going in her life.

how grand it must feel to know that your life has direction.

im not sure where i go now. im looking into my options for transferring or studying a semseter at another school, abroad or otherwise. these things could potentially cause me to be in college for like 6 years, but maybe it will be worth it.

its not so much that i want to be with my friends anymore. its now becoming an issue of am i where i need to be to get the best education and to be in the best place for the workforce with what i want to do with my life.

i dont know.

i mean im sure i could stay here my entire college career and be just fine. but what will happen? i mean what if i fall in love and graduate and then get married and just settle down here? is that what i really want? if you ask me when its happening, ill say yes of course...but ask me today and my ambitions are quite different. i feel like i must appease these desires for success and doing something special with my life before its too late and i settle.

before i fall for the oh so smooth knoxville.

its just hard because theres nowhere good to go to school in georgia. and that is where it would be free for me. so now my parents are paying about 20k for me to go to school each semester. as im looking at schools, i am quickly learning that for a decent school, this is a deal that cant be beat.

and theyve already done so much for me. they dont know i want to transfer. they planned for me to be here four years. i cant ask them to fork over copious amounts of money for me to go to school. i just cant do that to them.

i feel like all i want to do is dive into the water. just jump off and the gravity of my desires and ambitions will lead me straight to where i want to be in life. but in reality i am running around blindfolded and running into every detractor and obstacle possible, miles away from the waster.

so my quest for answers continues.

meanwhile i had possibly my first truly orgasmic musical experience tonight. broken social scene at the bijou theater in the old city. the bijou is a far cry from the fox or the tabernacle, but the 1920s restored theater is still very beautiful. the opening act, do make say think, was absolutely amazing. it was like sitting in on a private impromtu jam session that you expected to go completely haywire and off kilter at any minute but it never did. all the little pieces just came together in such a way that absolutely boggles my mind just trying to decipher it. broken social scene was an auditory all u can eat buffet. their songs certainly went together and all appealed to their audience, but they were so different at the same time. everything from funk dance tunes to melodic instrumentals, i loved it all. this does not happen much, i can typically find something to hate or at least be bored with, but no such thing here.


i guess the long and short of it is that this music was moving. it could be because i am extremely chemically imbalanced right now and possibly just overwhelmingly emotionally fragile, but i found myself truly feeling every song for what it was worth. it almost made me cry.

and this is why we love music. for some of us at certain times it transends this specialized noise and becomes a physical, emotional, and even spiritual experience.

and i got a bitchin t shirt.