escape/exhale.

i was really excited to write this entry because my life has actually been a little interesting for once and theres something else to say besides "woe is me my life is unfortunate and sad." but when i sat down to write i didnt know what to say. this is my last full day in roswell and im not sure how i feel about that. i love being home. there is something almost magical and mystical about this place, and every time i return i expect it to be like nothing ever passed in between the here and now and when i first left. like everything will be just as it was in august. but at the same time i know there is much water under the bridge and its only going to get more and more awkward from here on out.

i started out the break unconventionally by leaving school three days early and then not going home once i did leave. my pit stop at uga left me feelings somewhat satisfied, but mainly uncertain. it put a very odd spin on my emotional state. i came home and felt completely let down and empty. i realized all the more how much i cant belong here anymore and how i am a stranger in my own town these days. no one told me i was supposed to move on haha. i had a very odd visit with jordan. after asserting myself a little and visiting with other friends, i came to realize that i am better off than i thought. the relationships that are most important to me will in fact stand the test of time and conflict and we will be okay in the end. sometimes you have to reorient yourself to realize certain things, but once you do its very gratifying and fulfilling.

last night may have been the real kicker for me though. i just dont understand why i cant find people at ut who like to do the strange odd random stupid things that my roswell friends and i enjoy doing. maybe its just because we're in college and the only thing we're ever supposed to do is get drunk and eat pizza, but i thought there was something beyond that. or below that. whatever direction you want to take our behavior. anyways, greg said it best when he said all the girls at ut kinda looked and acted the same. he's right. i still havent found those girls who find the humor (or is is youmor?) in stupid stuff like bananas, special kids at lunch, and hatred of life. i still haven't found the people who think taking weird pictures is a fun and enjoyable recreational activity. i still havent found the people who appreciate that i am in fact an artist to some degree and am no longer afraid to call myself one. i still havent found the people who will try new restaurants with me and go to obscure yet amazing concerts and community activities with me. i havent found the people im going to make the great memories with.

so until i do, i just continue making memories with the ones i already have memories with.

last night i figured i would probably end up doing nothing as i have been most nights since ive been home. i stained my furniture that i didnt make for sculpture class. kelley came over and we watched that 70s show for a while. then i decided to finally make my way over to heathers house. alex showed up and we hung out in her totally awesome turquoise room for the longest time. alex called megan and acted like me drunk...i cant believe they fell for it. just like the itching to be fucked, they are itching to see angie drunk. haha to no avail bitches, maybe ill just take care of that business with jax and sufs...anyways, we watched some weird, cheap, overtly sexual and unidentifyable movie, and before i knew it it was 230 in the morning.
we got up to leave and decided to all pile in my car and go down to ebenezer road. there already seemed to be more stars out than usual for a roswell night, but when we got to our roadside sketchy destination it was even more awe inspiring. ive seen much much better a night sky in my time, and you could hear the cars on arnold mill road off in the distance. but there is something beautiful about a night sky no matter what. as the fog rolled in and the monsters came out, the three of us laid out in the middle of the road. alex asked: "what happens if a car comes?" to which i replied: "we're fucked in the ass alex." but there we stayed, and no cars came and no hillbillies freaked out and shot us and for a little while all was well in the well.

i didnt realize ive known heather for five years and alex for three. it doesnt seem like its been that long. we're not that close, but sometimes youre so alike another person you dont have to be close, you just have to bask in the parallels of your lives when youre together and its like youre best friends who never met each other before now. heather says she thinks escapes are important and neccesary for her. i agree. sometimes you have to step outside of yourself and see something different. take something new in. gain fresh perspective. and thats the only way you can make sure youre ok.

today is saturday november 25, 2006 and everyone's escaping.

most uga students are headed back to campus to escape the confines of home life and to bask in the glory of college football. georgia tech students are also there, escaping from their college life and actually experiencing a real school. oh snap.

one of my friends is escaping to the beach with his girlfriend. after time and distance apart i could read the excitement about this week on his face. he is so in love.

one of my friends is escaping to some godawful locale for a secret road trip. may the force be with you my darling.

kelley is as usual escaping to her bed even though she says shes going to wake up at a decent hour.

as for me i am escaping the tennessee hills back here in roswell. this trip has been a time of tying up loose ends and mending broken relationships. im so happy with the way things have turned out and im glad i did everything i did over this break. i needed it.

p.s. dont think for one second ms amanda henleben that we dont miss you around here. actually i can only speak for myself, but i miss you mucho! i cant wait to see you in a few weeks!