2+2=?

Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
Theres a need to be separate and a need to be one
And a struggle neither wins
Where you gave me the world I was in
And a place I could make a stand
I could never see how you doubted me
When Id let go of your hand

And the heavens were rolling
Like a wheel on a track
And our sky was unfolding
And itll never fold back
Sky blue and black

And Id have fought the world for you
If I thought that you wanted me to
Or put aside what was true or untrue
If Id known thats what you needed
What you needed me to do


thank you drew for that, beautiful lyrics if ive ever heard them.

im not sure if im ready to write yet, if i will know what to say or if i trust myself enough with this keyboard right now to let my voice be heard how i want it to come out. i will give it a try.

im sitting in the middle of a crowded hallway at school and im not really sure im up to doing this right now. but i keep thinking maybe this will help somehow.

each day gets a little better and a little worse, which must mean im not really moving anywhere. each day im reminded of things that now must change or will never be. i check my phone for text messages, but there will never be any, no one else ever texts me. the vast expanse of the summer and college and everything else now seems greater and more empty than ever. its more than i can handle to think about right now. one day at a time they say.

apparently im not supposed to be sad, seeing as how this is my doing. and even if that werent true, its been few days, so apparently im supposed to be good as new again ready for my new life in a new town shed of everything but myself.

in case you were wondering the above is not true, im not ok right now. and when i dont talk about it, its because you cant hear the screaming inside for someone to help me to try to piece everything back together again.

but no ones going to hear that i dont expect them to. its not their problem its my own. its my doing its my fault. i pissed in my bed and now ill lie in it alone.

to you, i am so sorry, and if theres anything good i can say about this whole situation its that maybe now you can go out and get what you deserve, because you deserve so so many things. you deserve more than i could ever provide for you in my selfishness and my business and my ignorance. and i know that you thought the world of me but i am just another girl with a sackful of problems and a much too cold hearted disposition for a wonderful soul like yourself. you are going to be fine, you are going to be wonderful, it is me who will always be the one missing out. i never lied to you about anything and i understand if you dont believe anything i ever say to you again, i suppose thats how it works at times.

and i know you dont believe me, and you may not understand, and i dont expect you to, but all i ever wanted for you and all i ever wanted you to see was the things i mentioned above.