night moves.

oh john mayer, i question your sense of judgment and character and i have no idea who you are, but youll always have a special place in my heart. i flipped through our sophomore yearbook at robyns tonight, and what a truly strange experience it was. funny how much has changed in the two years since i last saw many of the faces scattered across those pages. listening to john and looking through the book brought back so many memories. its funny whats forgotten and whats remembered about certain places and times, and its interesting to see what you can get back in fleeting moments like tonight. now i cant tell you what i remembered, for ive already forgotten it, but just for a second i was there wherever there is. i dont like being the dweller that i often am, but sometimes it is a necessary vantage point to see how far youve come.

we've come a long way baby.

for the past 2 years, ive been waiting. waiting to start a new life, waiting for visits home, waiting for something to change, waiting for someone to reach out, waiting for resolution, waiting to become my own person, then waiting for the depression to fall, then waiting to get the hell out of dodge, then waiting for a job, then waiting for release and now waiting to get the hell out of dodge again.

all this waiting is enough to make a girl go nuts. all this sitting still and thinking; well theres a lot going through my mind.

im starting to feel the warmth rising through my chest. the gulp i cant keep down, an uneasiness that you cant resist because after the disgust comes the relief of knowing youve let everything out.

this is the creative vomit i once spoke of here.

i have ideas, and i just might be ready to create again.