woohooo...nobody knows it

fall is coming, i can feel it. it might be a colder winter than normal if it's already cooling off. my birthday is soon, 21 is old. i love special occasions like this, particularly birthdays just because it's the one day of the year where you get to be completely selfish. however, as per usual something that should be fun has turned into something else for me to be utterly stressed over. i wish i could just turn my mind off like everyone else seems to be able to do. i wish i had my priorities in line. it's obvious i don't. that and my birthday is falling at like the worst time ever.

ive got to finish this drawing soon, but dear God, a 36x48 picture of myself? even i feel thats a bit narcissistic, and I'm the one presently typing out my woes and minute thoughts and feelings to an online audience that probably doesn't care. i just need to do it, get it done. that and that stupid geography lab that doesn't make sense to me. i need to get organized as per usual.

where do people find motivation to do all these things? to keep trying when its not working, to go through the every day, to adapt? do you all just take drugs or something? i'm not really into drugs and such, i'll have to find my own way. but how do you pick yourself up of the ground, and stop thinking about it and start doing it?