im home in georgia now, enjoying whats left of the thanksgiving break. thinking back and realizing that a year ago I was beginning to move back here and open a new chapter of my life whilst closing another is crazy to me. feels like yesterday. yes, i know its a trite thing to say. it feels weird being here. my little temporary life in my temporary room. i dont like this, but i dont know how i feel or how im supposed to feel about it anymore. its an almost out of body experience kind of thing. i dont feel at home in athens, i feel quite uncomfortable there most of the time actually. the people have been great, school is going well, but im not comfortable there. athens doesnt belong to me and it never has. perhaps in time it will.
back here at home, i know i cant get too comfortable. even though nothing beats being home and all the comforts that go along with that i cant get too comfortable here right now. this place is a mess. i basically left it in a tornadic state. now i dont know where to begin again.
being in alabama always makes me think. i will never deny its where it came from because theres nothing wrong with it. i always try to remember it could have just as easily been me in the ranch farmhouse raising cotton and babies. am i better than this? absolutely not. thats an assumption far too many make of themselves. and to those i say stop being cocky bastards, it couldve been you.
but it wasnt and it isnt, but i am all too quickly reminded of the importance of taking control over your life. life deals you a set of cards, youve got no control over what you get, but how you play them is up to you. im a believer in fate, everything happens for a reason, etc etc garbage garbage. but i also feel that if you let life wash over you whatever way it chooses with no thought or reaction of your own, it will probably find a way to fuck you in the ass.
somehow.
it will.
i feel like ive learned a lot within the past year and whether or not ive used what ive learned to the greatest capacity is an argument for another day. but what i do know is that awareness is the first step to change, and i feel im becoming more aware. heres a few things
-the least successful, least happy, least interesting people are those who refuse to ask questions and be open to change big or small. the more you not only ask questions, but simultaneously seek answers to those questions, the more upward movement you can achieve.
-there are two schools of though about being optimistic: one is that being consistently optimistic will often make you "luckier" and make you a happier person. the second is that if you are never optimistic about anything you will never be disappointed and only pleasantly surprised when things do go right. they both work but the former makes you a much more pleasant person to be around. no one likes a negative nancy.
-always keep someone slightly crazy around. they will make your life interesting and always keep you entertained. but don't get too close to them, you dont want to deal with the cart fulls of baggage theyve got. coworkers always make good candidates, perhaps theyll get fired and you can get a raise. note: if the crazy person you have around is you...well, thats bad.
-endorphins make all the difference.
-kindness always comes back to you. sometimes its in small ways you may not notice at first, but it always does.
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