knoxville sunday

im presently sitting in a cafe in knoxville killing time and savoring internet access before i have to go back to katies and get ready for mb's wedding. as per usual its weird being back here, but this time its worse. this time the memories are more distant and less recognizable, and with half of my friends all moved away the feeling i remember most is the loneliness. the thought of staying here, finishing what i started, being different, making a new life for myself, being with the awesome group of art students i was with, it all sounds great, but every time i come here i am even further assured that that might have been more a fantasy rather than an attainable reality. im not so sure i ever fit in well here, dont know why, but it just never really worked no matter how hard i tried. its difficult to see a dream fly away from you, but at least ultimately i made the right decision.

tonight i see a good friend of mine who is actually slightly younger than myself get married. for once i am a guest and not a photographer. both aformentioned aspects are going to make this a weird night. ill report back on this.

im gaining weight and its making me mad yet i dont do anything about it instead i just make more pies and cookies to eat. ugh time to get out of here.