2/20/06 10:58 pm
Time is never time at all
You can never ever leave without leaving a peace of youth
And our lives are forever changed
We will never be the same
The more you change the less you feel
Believe believe in me believe
That life can change that youre not stuck in vain
Were not the same were different tonight
Tonight so bright tonight

Last year i had ms foss for phsyics. that was one large woman. everyday she had what she called an "essential question" that she put on the board, and hopefully by the end of the class we would be able to answer it with all the stock-piled chunks of information she threw at us during the period.

My essential question is this: What do i deserve? this weekend was a long weekend and i didnt go on the ski trip so of course i had too much time to think. but it is something i struggle with. i mean, do i deserve better than what i have? i kinda dont think so, but a lot of other people do. am i putting time and energy into things and relationships that are just going to be a waste of time? where do i go from here?

i guess my main concern is that i'd like to know what its like to truly not be alone for once. i want to walk beside someone and have it be true, genuine, and real, not some f-ed up mind game or some surface-scraping rendevous. prob is, i dont know if that kind of thing is out there for me to find, and if it is, whether or not i am deserving of it...im far from a saint.

i also decided that senioritis has symptoms that reach beyond just procrastination, school-skipping, and lack of caring. it also includes random epiphanies of the fact that we are about to embark on something insanely new and leave all the rest in the dust. it also includes angie in july running around like shes scared as hell and probably not acting like herself as a result. i mean its getting pretty bad. you can say o my gosh in a few months this will be over as much as you want, but its the random times, like the other night when i was listening to "tonight tonight" (see lyrics above) and just started really thinking about it, i mean really thinking...it just freaks me out.

new days resolutions:

+focus

+ do my own thing

+be myself

+lay off the dang chocolate chip cookies