the art building where i will now live.


Brothers and sisters feel fine
It's the time of your lives
It's the time of your lives
No sound, no sound
Like this feeling you've found
Like this feeling you've found

But just stay down
'cos some sounds you'll feel
So stay round
And some sounds you'll feel

And it's me they're looking for
And it's me
I will never survive

"brothers and sisters" coldplay

this is my home now. my habitat. my dwelling. this is going to take some getting used to. i think as i get older i just get worse and worse about this whole meeting people and being social thing. but im not giving up. i never will. because it always gets better, and if it doesnt get better it gets worse, and that sucks.

i didnt get invited back to the sororiety i wanted. this may be a blessing in disguise. i swear the only one that keeps showing interest in me over and over again is the one that has the sluttiest and biggest party girl reputation. should i read into this as something i need to recognize about myself? so unless i fall madly in love with one of the three groups who still want me it looks like greek life is out for me. and just when im getting all sad and stuff, i swear out of nowhere these two girls show up in my room. like not at my door, IN my room (and the door was shut too i think thats actually breaking and entering) they were looking for someone named sarah and they never found her here but they were from a church group and maybe thats where i need to be right now. its like i said before. i feel like unless it will help me accomplish the goals i have in the end for myself, then maybe its not worth my time and maybe this is a sign that those things are not worth my time. im serious when i say ive got a lot of work to do here, as dorky as it may sound.

the best and worst thing about Baptist churches: once you visit they dont leave u alone. this is bad b/c they dont leave u alone. this is good b/c everyday i have mail advertising some churchwide program or a letter from surely a little old lady telling me Jesus loves me, etc.

today was the first day of classes. i spent about an hour in the bustling atrium of the art building wasting time reading my book on the science of photographic lighting and basic photographic principles before my art history class. a very old man in a blue seersucker suit came and sat down on one of the concrete walls that abound and ate an ice cream cone and looked around with the biggest and most content grin on his face i have seen in a while. i wish i could be an old man in a blue seersucker suit eating an ice cream cone and looking around in a senile yet happy manner a: because i would be wearing a seersucker suit b: because i would be eating ice cream c: because i could be senile and it would be a-ok.

the old man reminds me of the simple pleasure i now more fully recognize. when you dont have swirls of activity or tons of friends or familiarity surrounding you, you begin to find joy and happiness in the little things. buying the 700-page september couture issue of vogue yesterday made my day. its a magazine. its not important or big. but still it was wonderful to me. the little rewards in life are what give u something to look foward to. something to love. something to work toward. something to keep going for.

so as we all shut off our bed bath and beyond deluxe edition swivel-headed clip-on dorm desk lamps in metallic kiwi, we treasure the things that keep us going everyday.

for amanda its the comfort of heavyset black basketball players next door who will walk her home from class and the always-beautiful glow from her life-size cutout of kasey kane.

for my grandma its a phone call from me.

for robyn its her pink bedspread that she finally won out on.

for jordan fabulous its his grand need and ability to white balance and cup after cup of good coffee and expresso, made at all hours of the day.

for mr. steve sparling its a text message from his daughter.

from my mom its calling up "her girls" and checking up on them.

for kelley its a family-sized box of wheat thins and a john mayer poster.

and for me its a too-large portion of famous amos traditional chocolate chip cookies, the september cotoure issue of vogue, the pictures that hang above my bed, and the phone call i get every night (give or take).

and for us all, there is the promise that one day we will make something greater and more amazing of ourselves. until we do, the little things get us by.