release.

i think i felt every emotion possible today.

i woke up and was dead tired for almost half the day, easily frustrated and annoyed with the tedious task of dorm room shopping with my detail-oriented mother. God bless her, i dont know how i would function without her, but i sure can be mean to her.

went to yousufs to say goodbye. seems like with all my friends thus far you think there's all this stuff that needs to be said because your relationship is so extensive/meaningful/deep, but when you get right down to it you dont say anything that youre feeling really. maybe if youre lucky youll skim the surface a little. but i guess the beauty of all that when it happens is that you and your friend probably know each other and your relationship well enough that you just know how each other feels and you dont have to say all that stuff. youre just ok. just ok.

so after feeling a little sad and nostalgic, i hopped on over to Shallots for sushi with Belton and Jordan. i was a sushi virgin and they made me order the real stuff...the raw stuff. i have to say belton turned me on to fish in the first place and sushi wasnt too bad either. after illegally sharing the all-u-can-eat sushi meal. we left. i had fun and therefore felt happy.

then off to say goodbye to robyn. she was being very robyn-like and rushing around freaking out about what she would bring to college and the fact that she no longer has her own bathroom. we said goodbye and she started to cry and i told her i wasnt having any of that. not tonight. then i got in the car and left and bawled all the way to the studio. i felt so sad. i think what got me was as i drove away i looked back at her house and just all these times came rushing back to me. i remembered how things smelled, the general feeling of the time. spending the night after concerts, eastburg lettuce, studying for econ, random really late night conversations, phylum mold, prom, ddr, my shopping buddy. my robyn . im sure i will keep in touch with robyn but you know that things will never be the same and seeing her house just reminded me of the way things used to be and all the memories weve had and its really been great. i guess the saddest part for me is that i know i will never have a friend even close to robyn. shes such a great person. shes always stuck around and been open and honest with me, and we share the fact that we have little quirks about us that often turn others off, but in the end make us who we are. i will miss the sassy girl who calls certain guys hormonal bastards and who chases down innocent bystanders in the senior lot just to insure that i have a prom date. where else can u find a friend like that.

college life will take some adjusting for her, but it will for us all. she will be just fine and amazing.

so then i was sad.

so i went to the studio where all the cool kids from dinner and dan were painting the studio. i had to clean myself up i looked like a frickin rape victim after my little meltdown in the car. i was so upset i was shaking like it was freezing outside and i felt cold but i know i wasnt.

then i got silly and giddy. finally what ive been looking for for so long. the thing i could never get from the person that should have given it to me. it made me feel better, like i wasnt so wrong for thinking this is the normal progression of things.

then i went to kelley's house. we played on her webcam. we made fun of some certain myspace music. we told stories. damn im gonna miss her. but i wont have to thanks to erape!

the day ended up happy and ultimately like it began: very tired. if im lucky ill get six hours in tonight.

goodnight.