never gone.

i cant believe almost a month has gone by since i loaded up the jetta and plodded my way home to see my loves. each day has moved by very quickly, but as a whole when i think back on all that has happened, it does indeed seem like a month has passed. this break was neccesary and amazing, and it came at a great time. as a result of the things that have happened to me in the past few weeks, several things have changed:

_im on the same page with a friend and i finally feel free of the burden our relationship as it has been has put upon me. and i feel like we're good to go as bffs.
_i realize that im not the shit and ive got a lot of work to do. ive lost a lot of my creativity to mediocrity and ive got to dumb myself back down and get back to the basics to revive myself.
_the people who are important to me are so important to me, and i need to make a greater effort to stay in touch and to care for the ones i really love.
_making new friends or becoming closer friends with people you know but arent that close to can be a very rewarding experience.
_sometimes you cant be the stronger person. sometimes you need someone else to give you that final definitive "no" that you need to hear to finally rid yourself of a demon.
_in the love department, its time to dumb that down too. i need to be more careful with my heart, not get too attached to quickly and take things very very slow. make friends and see what goes from there.
_i need to put myself out there and meet lots of people. i dont have to end up hanging out with them or even liking them, but at least give meeting them a shot.
_whatever is meant to happen will. dont push anything thats not meant to be.
_stop being so afraid.

im not sad or happy about going back to ut. im a little uneasy because i dont know how this semester is going to go. it bothers me that i dont know when ill be able to come home again. i dont know when ill see certain people again. i dont even know what exactly the classes im enrolled in are. but as ashley so poignantly put in the slideshow kelley and i watched this afternoon before she headed out athens, "yay its college, we're going out, we're just moving on, its life."

this is our life now. i feel like a hobo sometimes, pack all my shit and move up to tennessee, pack it all back up to go home, bring it back again. nothing is permanent anymore. nothing is certain. nothing is guaranteed. nothing can be predicted.

thats not college. thats life.