rejection.

an artists life is not an easy one. especially when the artist constantly questions whehter or not she is good enough to consider herself so. its a constant battle within, always questioning yourself and your abilities and trying to prove yourself to yourself. art is so subjective. its not like law where you pass this huge test and in doing so prove that you have what it takes to be a lawyer. theres no such test in art. all youve got is yourself and the little pieces of opinions you allow to trickle down into your mind. thats all you have to validate yourself.

ive been bored with myself and frustrated for probably the last nine months. i havent been excited about anything ive done. i read books i left town i watched movies i tried to gain that perspective that inspiration i needed to move forward. ive felt numb and dissappointed in myself and i feel there will be a turning point, but im just waiting and i dont know when it will be. i keep thinking "this is it, this is my break" and then it falls right through the cracks just like everything else. im so bored with myself and my ideas and my style. this isnt about one missed job opportunity, one bad show, one negative critique. this is about me being unhappy with myself and unable to remedy it. this is about me questioning whether im an artist or just a creative person. this is about me wondering if i just take good photographs or if theres something different about me. something that sets me apart from all the rest. something that makes me remarkable.

i think its time to get away from the knox. time to forget about being an artist or a student or whatever i am today and just relax a bit. take in all i can before the reality of the rest of the semester and my semicharmed life here sets in. spring break here i come, im so glad youve arrived i need you.

hopefully interesting events to follow.

ill keep you informed.