lack of color.

oh my well i would be writing more in here, but every time i think about it i realize how much i dont have to say. i dont know that i could prepare myself for how difficult it would be to go back to living at home. i get along great with my parents, its not that. and fortunately for me, i happen to now for once live in the same county as my boyfriend, which is a new and good thing. but somehow despite these positive attributes, it just feels like something's missing now. perhaps a sense of responsibility for myself. here i feel much more taken care of than when i am on my own at school. my inability to find a job only adds to this feeling. even though i am going to school for twelve hours and im trying to find a job and trying to get things that otherwise just need to get done done, i think just living here in this place makes me feel lazy and unproductive somehow.

despite all this i know i am much better off now than before. if i actually really think back to what i have come from and that place where i once was i cant imagine having to do that again, i am in a much better position nowadays. i think its all shown me something else too: that the people who really love you are the ones who stick by you when things are boring. It's easy to get caught up in relationships of any kind when things are exciting and new and crazy, but what about when all there is to do is sit on the couch and sulk about it?

i consider myself lucky to have that: someone who sticks around for the good and the bad and someone who cares regardless. ive seen the other side of the coin, and im going to stick to this one.