may God's love be with you...always

well things in atlanta have definitely turned around. i finally got a job and school is really picking up. i dont have too much of a say how i spend my time anymore, as my days are largely already blocked out for me. i kinda like life like this. being close to the city and its chic-ness and its opportunity is really cool. being able to see jordan almost whenever i want is even better. and i like working while im in school...im incapable of just relaxing so it makes me feel like im being productive. even though its far away, ive already begun thinking to next semester. new place, all the more to have to get used to and just something else to start over with. im excited, but at the same time im scared. as always im scared i wont be good enough or that i wont make it through. even moreso, im just scared that somehow ill lose jordan along the way.

i feel myself growing up inside more and more everyday. i feel like im seeing life and what happens after college and how you feel and how you think more and more. how you really are just a slightly altered carbon copy of your parents unless you do something about it. how comfort will land you a college degree and a dead end job at a massage parlor or a dying photography studio. i talked to jessie and she said that being home when everyone else is away at school will do that to you. ive always been an old soul, i dont need another push. she said eventually you just get "over" the whole college thing.

i dont want to be over anything, i just want to be happy. and i see that happiness doesnt follow a formula or a calendar or a recipe, it just is what it is where it is when it is. we should consider ourselves lucky if we can keep up.