ahhh!

i need to calm down. i feel way in over my head. i wake up tired because i know i didnt sleep well because my body was in a state of panic all day. im worried about school im worried about my next school im worried about portfolio review im worried about my job im worried about what i'll do this summer im worried about my projects im worried about my relationships im worried about how ill ever get this stuff done. i dont know if ive ever been this devastatingly worried about this many things at one time. im scared to pick up the phone or check my email or go outside for fear of discovering something more i have to carry on my back. its been like this for several days and im not sure how long the average human can go like this before they crash. i know theres only so much i can do, theres only so much i can take on at once. i have to just go down the list one by one and deal with each thing as it comes. but it seems like each thing is linked to the previous one. in theory they all must be done at the same time otherwise the whole thing will come crashing down. its too much for anyone to expect of themselves. yesterday i took my laptop to school so i could work on other projects and other things for other classes as i sat blankly in class. yeah i guess thats how bad it is. ive just gotta hang on, things will be better soon.