im very tired today and i have one of those tears before bedtime headaches. i wish i could be someone else for just a little while, but the problem is you can never run away from yourself. the great thing about me is i can never make up my mind...not. im probably just expecting too much. of myself and of others. i dont know what to say or do anymore. i just want to lay down and be someone else. i want to be able to call things on my own terms, but that will never happen, it always turns out wrong or i mess it up somehow. i just want things to be easier and instead they just get progressively harder. and i want to stop doing everything wrong. you want me to give you answers and i dont have any except that this is me and how messed up i am.

i shoudnt have written this it will only lead to trouble later.