this is new

its sunday and i think i may actually be able to make it through the week without a complete mental breakdown this time. for the first time in a long time i have had the wonderful privilege of being both motivated and left alone for a few days. No one called me to essentially tell me that if i didnt go to this place or meet with these people they would be quietly mad at me. no one made plans for me without my permission, and no one assumed i was available. no one came in from out of town, and no one asked me to cover their shifts.

i know i have a tendency to be a very selfish person, unfortunately its an only child thing, which makes it a toughie to change. but i think there are some times when not only should you be selfish, but you must be selfish. by the same token, even when you have to be selfish you have to do it right. theres a mean way and a nice way to do it. but when youre knee deep in school work, completely and utterly sleep deprived and stressed out of your mind, thats when you know its ok to say no. ive still got a lot on my plate, but at least for the time being things are looking a little brighter and a little less insane.

and for those who said i couldnt do it, i am doing it right now. i have taken steps toward doing what i want to do, and its working. and youll never know, youll never understand and perhaps youll never listen, but i have proved you wrong.