beauty in the breakdown

bored waiting for model to arrive. shes making me a little testy because her tardiness is preventing me from getting back to school. ill surely get caught in this so called blizzard we are apparently about to have. this weekend has been nice. after only a week and a half i was already looking for an out, which is pretty bad to be honest. but while its been nice to be home the weekend is short as they all are and passes much too quickly. i spent most of it stressing about undone items on my to do list. this semester intimidates the shit out of me and if i want it to run smoothly, it gives me no room for error. ive really just got to learn to let go a little bit. i know that whenever anything happens i place the full burden on myself and let it lie there until it dies. this is not a fair thing through which to put myself. plus its exhausting! any stress, anxiety or anger i have for any reason becomes a weight upon my shoulders that i lug with me wherever i go, it only gets worse as the situation worsens, and i cant do that to myself anymore. it is time that i allow myself to relax, and part of that goes with not allowing myself to be victimized so much. i let others take advantage of me; of my time, my patience, my property, my skills, my friendship. im out of rope and i really cant do it anymore. so if i say no when you ask me to do something for you, or if some of the things you associate with having me around slowly start to dissappear dont take it personally, it's personal.

currently listening to: roxanne-the police