alex jud is my bud and she has inspired the topic of today's entry and i dont know why the font changed but im sure we can all deal with it at least for today. dont worry kids normalcy will return asap.

some people have issues with putting too much energy and devotion into relationships. ie: me and my bud the skater over here. its something ive realized and its sucks because you are constantly setting yourself up for dissapointment and hurt because what exists means so much more to you than the other person and most of the time they dont even know it. and then youre left with the ashes and the heartache because you really did care as much as you said you did. the highs are beautifully high, there's truly nothing better. but man, the fall down sure hurts like hell.

its not only possible, i think its highly probable that im obsessive. i have to be. no normal person would think about a loved one this much or focus so much energy on one person. but it kills me inside when the other is unhappy, and when the other frustrated i am doubly so. the other will never know or truly understand these things because the other will understandibly dismiss these feelings as feelings that come from a little naiive girl with little experience in the game of love.

but the truth is if im in this i wanna do it right. i wanna do it big. i wanna feel everything even the tough stuff. without the bad there is no good.

my lovely figure skating companion, we're going to be ok. we will live lives full of emotions and feelings that go deeper than most people could imagine. but one of these days we'll figure it out and it will be beautiful.

<3>
I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
When I know what I'm goin through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
This seems real to me

You love me but you dont know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And You love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just Let me go...
Let me go