let go

well we tried to go to tu tu tango tonight...take a little trip down memory lane and such. but the truth is the service is bad, the wait is long, and robyn got her finger stuck in the door of the big moving toaster aka jonathans element.

you can smell it on everyone. we all know that the end of this life is near and therefore we're all a lot more ok with each other than we may have otherwise been. we're a little more tolerant, a little more polite, a little more back to the way we used to be when everything was good and we were all single and i wasnt the studio slut and everyone's home life was perfect, and we were ugly but at least we were skinny, and our biggest problem was whether or not we had enough time to watch the latest episode of lizzie mcguire before we had to run over to katherines house for game night or what not, and our virgin skins weren't scarred by the emotional wounds we inevitably have given each other throughout the years.

i wish we could have revisited this time much sooner than now, maybe we'd all be better off. or maybe we'd still be the same. i kinda think the latter.

i cant really remember the day, or even really the reason why, but a few months ago i took off my watch and the ring that i for the past 6 years have worn on my right thumb.

i think it was sometime around graduation. maybe i went swimming or something. it may have even been graduation night when we were digging up the box, i have a feeling thats when it was.

regardless, i took them both off and have had them both off since then.

i guess i could get all metaphorical and deep and say that me not wearing my watch represents a sense of abandonment of time and worry about time.

and in a sense i guess you could say that's true. i dont pay nearly as much attention to the time as i used to, and i think its a good thing. you can enjoy yourself more when you dont see seconds of your life ticking away.

this is your life and its ending one moment at a time.

as for the ring. i guess the ring is a visual reminder of a lot of things. what i believe, where i come from, what ive been taught to believe.

and i think as i grow up i find myself questioning more and more of the things that i have believed all my life because its hard to draw the line between what you believe yourself and what youre supposed to believe.

i began to think the ring was an imposition placed upon me without proper consent. i control my destiny and this wasnt fair, i could believe what i wanted and act how i wanted.

im still waging that war within myself, but until then i think it best to do what i can to stay on the straight and narrow, even if it means playing by someone else's rules for at least awhile.

its high time i put that ring back on.