pref night 2006

"life is a delicate balance between holding on and letting go"
-k. urban

i decided to stick out the whole rushing process b/c i wanted to make sure i wasnt missing out on anything and quitting too early when maybe there was something down the line that i needed to see. last night was preference night, which is the serious formal night of rush week where the sororieties that you are still in the running with tell you what the sororiety has meant to them. it tends to get very emotional and even though right now i have no formal attachment to any of these groups, i felt the love.

so i think im going to go through with it. go through the pledging process. see if it takes over my life or suddenly transforms me into a mindless barbie. if nothing else it could provide me something to do on a friday night other than html code chamaeleon's myspace like i did this past friday.

however i must underscore how hard it was for me to make this decision. you see, these girls kept going on and on about the bonds of sisterhood that they share and how theyve met their best friends through the sororiety. but kelley is my best friend. and i dont want that to change despite distance. and i just dont see jordan really getting into the revenge of the nerds date party with me. i want to meet new people and make new friends, but i dont want to replace the ones i have. kelley and i share a special bond that i would hope no group or other person could ever touch.

this is when i remember that i live in knoxville now.

kelley and i talk to each other often, but she does not live here and i do not live there. we dont share the same life anymore and there's nothing wrong with that. i have to let go of a life that isnt my own anymore. i have to move on. im not packing my stuff up in a week and going back to roswell and saying this whole thing was just a summer camp experience for a little while and now back to my old life. this is my life now.

of course i should probably save the emotional hogwash for when i actually know that i have a bid from one of the chapters.

let go
let go
jump in
oh well what you waiting for
its alright
cause theres beauty in the breakdown.