its been one of those weekends.

last night i stood in a dress and heels on peachtree street in the pouring rain and lightning. and i thought to myself, "today is just a good for nothing day."

i'm so sad cause i'm so confused cause i dont really know what i want anymore.

everything i know is slipping away slowly but surely and even if it isnt i know it will eventually. im looking for comfort and familiarity but im a different person now than i used to be. can i still find solace in the people and things i used to hold so dearly? and will those people and things even come back to me after all this time and how i've been and who i've become.

everybody is looking for something.

these things happen but then i get a random IM from Caitlyn or Yousuf asks me whats up and thats when i remember my definition of a true friend:
i think friends are the people who love you for who you are. unfortunately most of us spend a large portion of our time being or trying to be someone we are not. we lose ourselves in a mirage of a person that we wish we were or a relationship that changes us as a person. but friends are the ones who accept you when that mirage dissapates and you come back to yourself. friends dont love you any other way than when you are who you are. and thats why you love them back, because they will accept you when you dont have the false exterior, when you dont have the newfangled social outlook, when you are a mess inside and out. i am truly and idiot sometimes. i walked out of the house once to go to the mailbox (in november mind you) with no pants on...and did not realize it until i got to the mailbox. i am a photoshop nerd and a computer geek. i put out for asians and am a closet crackwhore. my life mascot is a whale named gus. i like to watch degrassi. if you ask me to tell you something about me i will always give way too much detail. i complain a lot. im moody. im obsessive compulsive. my friends know all these things and more, and they still care. why do they care? because they are true friends. and like it or not, these crazy aspects are a part of me, i sh they still love it anyway, because thats the true me. i should be way more grateful for having these people walk beside me on a daily basis because lets be honest, im a confused little girl. i've done my share of straying from myself in hopes of finding something better. i think too much and wonder about my life on a daily basis. my friends aren't the ones who help me see the light at the end of the tunnel, theyre the ones standing right next to the light, waiting for me to come back to myself.

i suppose thats enough emo ranting for one day. bon apetit.