"i think i've got a lot to look forward to"

Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected
And I can tell that I've been moving in so slow
Don't let it throw you off too far
Cause I'll be running right behind you

Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously


four more days. i can do this. the next few days are going to suck ass though. so much to do and no drive to do it. but theres a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for those who are willing to trudge onward i suppose. the past few weeks, despite the boredom and melancholy of winter have been amazing. for once in my life i feel happy in an unconflicted way. i dont feel like i have to make excuses or hide things or be sketchy, im happy and people are happy with me, and happy for me.

the realization ive come to is that the past is just that: the past. you dont have to let whats happened to you or what youve done in the past dictate how you live the rest of your life...that my dear is up to you today. soooo...

i dont owe anyone anything. i did what i could. i tore myself apart. and im over that now.

ive made mistakes. but im over them too. so leave me alone about it. if i dont ever want to repeat it again, if i dont ever want to talk about it again, if i dont ever want to think about it again, thats a choice i have the right to make.

i want stability now. i want constancy...thats not to say i want my life to be boring or uneventful, but im tired of being pushed to the limits in every aspect of myself...one can only do that for so long. i need unconditional love because thats what im trying to learn how to give. im fortunate to have a few friends who know how to give it as well.


so im going to move forward now. i dont know whats going to happen. its scary, but its neccesary...and i think ive got a lot to look forward to.