curbside prophet

things are winding down in the knox. and as strange as thanksgiving may have been, winter break will be better, and i cant wait for all the good times and more importantly the photography. i miss both things.

today as i was leaving the libraray, a guy walked up to me and said excuse me. he seemed a little nervous and unsure of himself. i figured he was going to try to ask me out or something. how narcisistic of me.

before i proceed i must preface the next little bit with this:

you had to be there. i dont think scary movies are scary. i dont get freaked out by abnormal activities easily. i sat through hostile without issue. im not enthralled with or freaked out by the paranormal. this guy wasnt strange. he wasnt one of the evangelists constantly roaming the streets and screaming about eternal damnation. he was just a guy. he genuinly seemed like a guy who just had a notion to do this and say this to me.

ok on with the story:
he looks at me and with a nervous demeanor says "I just felt like i needed to tell you that God loves you. God loves you and there are going to be some big changes coming in your life."

he sounded positive and for all i know he could be making this up as a source of entertainment. im not going to lose sleep over it or anything. but just like after reading a horoscope, it always sticks in the back of your mind and follows you wherever you go. its prominent because you let it be so. what if big changes, even positive ones, come as a result of negative events? worst case scenario, what if someone has to die for me to see what i need to see.

i called my dad. i just had to check. called me a paranoid psycho i dont care. i needed that piece of mind.

i went to cru tonight with mary beth and elizabeth. they havent invited me there in a while, so when they did tonight i felt compelled to take them up on it. the long and short of it was this:

ive been looking to everything and everyone to help me feel better. the past few months have been tough on me, on all of us i think. ive looked to the counsel of friends, love and falsified love, forbidden love, forbidden lust, boastful narcisism, and even professional assistance to help me with the inner demons i have. the answer has been in front of me all along i just thought there might be a different way to get to where i want to be. aq cooler more socially acceptable way. but there isnt. there never is and there never will be.

my movement tonight to each of you is to call someone you love who wont expect your call. call them and tell them how you feel. call them and be there for them. we all need each other.