[i just fixed my profile and im not really a fan but i suppose ill deal with it for now. i want you guys to still be able to make comments if you feel so inclined, but i suck at html, so theres that. theres also new links to blogs of friends, as it seems many are coming to understand the theraputic ability selling your life on the world wide web can have. if you are one of these people and dont want your address on this page, or would like for me to put it up here, let me know.] that being said...


watched it all night
but grew up in spite of it.
watched it all night
but grew up in spite of it.

i put this old picture up from the pink and white grad party to go along with what im thinking and feeling today.

first of all, i would like to let amanda know how proud i am of her and how much i love her. in light of recent events, it may be seen as odd that i am saying this now, but it has nothing to do with those events (or maybe it does a little bit, haha thats weird), but seriously amanda, you are out there doing what you love and kicking every one's ass while you do it. you are a true exemplory of taking life for what its worth, and at the same time, never taking it too seriously. though distance separates, i still love you just as much as i did when you were sitting in front of me and confused in mrs wesners class, as much as i did when you were laying next to me in my bed on some ambigious saturday night fucking around with innocent young men on myspace, as much as i did the may night we terrorized the entire city of roswell as you made illegal lane changes and screamed out to your anti-boyfriend nelly rap cd, as much as i did all those times you drove me around in the blue monster windows down dolphin hanging from the rearview mirror.

you are an example of what the rest of us strive to be. what the rest of us wish we were. the girl we will never regret having in our lives. the girl we will only regret that we didnt get to be around more often. few people can boast that while they exhibit behavior some would frown upon, they still have an almost saintly demeanor.

im so proud of you. and so proud that i can say i have known you as i do.

plus between your words and the words of caitlyn's blog i get to hear just what i need to hear right now.

this is your life. do what you want.

go cry about it why dont you.
go cry about it why dont you.
go cry about it why dont you.
my dear we're slow dancing in a burning room.

the truth of the matter is our generation is so lost and hopeless because no one in this world will believe in us. we fight apathy. we're scared we wont make it. we blame stuff on our parents. we wish we could have grown up in the good old days. people blame technology for our so called epidemic of laziness. we just want the same things people of the world have always wanted: to be accepted. to have and know love. to feel important. to be successful. to find meaning in our lives. to love what we do. to have someone to lay beside at night. these are all universal truths that dont change regardless of how time wears on society.

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love


i am just wandering around looking for someone to tell me what to do. i am wandering around wondering if i should just go ahead and do what my id tells me to. or if i should take a step back.

at this point i think the only reason im looking at stepping back is because thats what im supposed to.

amanda says live your life.

i say amanda kicks ass.