takeoffs and landings.

walkin tall
you got it all
you were not the same after that
till someone died
on the lighter side
you were not the same after that
you see em drop like flies
from their bright sunny skies
they come knockin at your door
with this look in their eyes
you got one good trick and youre hangin on youre hangin on.

i cant believe i leave to go back to tennessee tomorrow. the thing i looked forward to most has all year long has now come to a close, the thing that kept me going, the idea of being here for three solid months is now drawing to an end.

in past summers, i could point out so many amazing things that happened. long lazy afternoons spent with my girlfriends, my female soul mates lounging by the pool or wreaking havoc on roswell with our crazy scavenger hunts.

but this summer, though i was fortunate enough to participate in many amazing events, i dont remember so much the events that happened, the nights and days and individual pieces of a puzzle three months in the making, but i remember the way i felt.

so how did i feel?
its almost impossible for me to describe. there were moments of pure joy, many nights of stupidity and laughter particularly with kelley, there was love. these things coupled with tons of crying, anger towards the demons of my past, and other emotional moments somehow came together to make some kind of beautiful symphony. though not all moments were happy-go-lucky, i never got bored.

and now sitting on the edge of the summer i cant help but feel like a kid on a carousel. i spent so much time waiting, tingling with expectation and excitement. the ride was amazing, but now i am forced to go back to the waiting line and wait my turn once again for the next ride.

i hate the waiting line.

im so scared for the coming year, yet excited as well. i cant help but keep hearing the voice in the back of my head that says "stop worrying about change. stop fighting it. the best you can do is hope that things will work out for the best in the long run even if they arent what you want today."

if nothing else, i decided my approach to this school year would be to fill my schedule up so much, that there would be no time to feel. if you never get the chance to stop and realize youre lonely, maybe it wont hurt so much.

but the truth of the matter is,
i think ive got a lot to look forward to.