1/31/06 9:37 pm

YB Staff is indeed very hot, dont even lie because you too know this fact as I do.

Woww January is coming to a close. When i think about where i was at the beginning of this month (i recall my first main memory of 2006 being laying in the fetal position in robyn's hallway freezing to death on the phone) and see where i am now, at the end of the month, i feel like i am in two totally different places, as if i am in at least some way a different person.

I see it too. things are different with my friends now. i dont feel like our relationships are the same...its not bad, its not good, its just different. I feel like we never really talk to each other anymore, we're all just floating by and passing time. And time is passing soooo fast. Wow what a month. Fare the well January, who knows where in the world i'll be sitting this time next year, but chances are i'll still be typing on this thing on the computer like a little redheaded nerd.

I already have an itinerary for when swimming is over. Eybrow wax, shave my legs, haircut. (Haha didnt realize until now that those are all forms of hair removal, you'd think thats what you'd do before swimming starts, but no it is very much the opposite at rhs) Maybe i'll throw in a pedicure too just for fun, its always nice to have those asian women barking at each other rub lotion all over your legs.

And of course on my itinerary this year is a well-thought out plan to spend a great deal of time at the gym. im pretty sure i gained weight during swimming which is not what you would expect but for some reason swimming makes me want to eat allllll theeeee tiiimmmmee. we'll see how that goes down.

This must be the most boring thing ever to read. however this is my life so as you can see, not much happens to me.

Oh yeah, on the way home from practice this morning (which always puts me in a great mood, btw) this bird flew over my car and poured out the entire contents of its intestines, stomach, bladder, and probably even brain onto my windshield. Good times. Felt like sharing that beautiful story.

"Maybe i'll go to the gym
so i dont get fat
are things more easy
with a tight six pack?
Who knows the answers?
who do you trust?
I cant even separate love from lust"

1/27/06 5:10 pm
That is how the grown up girls play dress up. (Sorry i was too lazy to make a filmstrip) Haha, i had a little bit too much fun with the turquiose eye shadow, but hey sometimes its fun to be different. Would i be conceited if i said i enjoy taking pictures of myself? Well regardless, i do because it presents a true challenge to be able to photograph something that you cannot see in the viewfinder in a technically and aesthetically effective way. i think i got some pretty provocative and beautiful lighting during this shoot, so i was pleased.
I hate weekends like this. No exciting plans really. i got stuff to do but nothing i really really want to do. Oh well maybe something will come up. tonight i have the pasta party for metros and then hopefully something interesting after that. if not, it could be sleepytown or borders for me. we shall see we shall see!

1/23/06 10:38











[a pic from when i felt pretty]

AAAAAAAAARGGGGG. i cant wait for swim team to be over so i can be put out of my agony and resume a normal healthy life. hmm probably not something the spirited team captain should be saying huh?

1/21/2006 1:29 pm

Haha the above would be Chamaeleon. What? You didn't know i was in a band? Oh yes i'm an accomplished musician.

More like i'm "with the band". But don't get me confused with a groupie. That I am not.

School House Rock was awesome last night. The bands this year were all really good with the exception of Fluffy Fuzzy Weirdos or whatever the heck their name was. Since I'm closer to Chamaeleon, i am of course a little partial to them, but i think they did an amazing job, and the crowd was slightly larger than that of their last show i attended. Then there was The Angees. I just have to keep wondering about where that name came from. I guess i'd like to flatter myself and keep thinking it has something to do with me.

I love going to SHR and other things like that b/c i think it is really interesting to see how talented people really are. Everybody can do something well and i think its cool to see that guy in your math class who never talks screaming his lungs out on stage. Plus, musicians are hot in and of themselves, i know you agree with me, i dont care who you are.

Soooo lets hope i can make it through the next little while without killing myself seeing as how between giving myself a concusion at the swim meet on thursday and almost taking off my leg on a chair last night there's gotta be a lot of serious internal bleeding going on. I shall plod onward.

"Now we say goodnight

from our own separate sides

like brothers on a hotel bed."

Haha i love this candy wrapper wisdome. makes me wanna eat more chocolate, as if i needed a reason. ooohhhhh temptation how you elude me on a regular basis. dont eat that apple, Eve, its not a good idea.
1/18/2006 10:24 pm

It never ceases to amaze me how much clay helps make me happy. im thinking about permanently keeping hunk of it in my bag to pull out and work with whenever i'm in a funk. makes me forget about everything. its dirt. its crazay.

No practice tomorrow! im stoked. im kinda over the whole swimming season right now which is horrible b/c im a team captain. but, i am NOT an athlete by any means and i'm pretty sick of getting up so early and getting in cold agua. meet tomorrow we get out of school early, works for me.

Battle of the bands on friday. im excited cause i get to take pix of something interesting and i think it will be a really good show this year. yay!

1/17/2006 9:38pm

So today was kinda a really gross rainy day, and to top it all off we got the privelage of returning to good ole rhs after a long weekend. oh my. last night i had a dream that i was on a plane with my mom to hawaii and we were flying through the clouds but it just looked like a road covered in a lot of water and there were cars whizzing by too. I think if i had this dream analyzed they would probably tell me i have a mental disorder of some kind. so i won't. haha

I also started my internship at Haigwood Studios today. I think its gonna be a lot of fun. Today i watched one of the photographers shoot some kid's golf equipment and clothing for a catalog. he had to steam the shirts to make them perfect looking. it wasnt very exciting. but thats ok i love photography in all forms. sarah r's mom is convinced that this studio is just like hollywood and they might try to "take advantage of me." I sure hope not i dont think that would happen, but nothing is impossible. i'm sure ms. colvin would understand if i carried a tazer gun to internship. no tolerance policy does not apply when you're in the photography studio, right?

P.S. Yearbook suxxxx

Oh come on, you think this is the best
pic ever, admit it. I do home shows, you know
give me a call.
1/15/2006 12:07 am
Hmmm not much happenend today. Went to breakfast w/ artner to make project plans. Who eats a burrito at 10 in the morning honestly? I guess i can name one person. It seems as though all is well between us now and i like that b/c we have fun together.

So to answer a few common questions i've had this week:
-no i am not on drugs never have been and don't plan on being, i can barely handle cough syrup let alone heavy narcotics an barbituates.
-no i am not depressed. from this blog some might think i am which is understandable. i think we all have our crazy moments its just a matter of how good a grasp we have of those times and whether or not we have enough gusto to put that up on the internet for the faithful readers to see.
-i am not actually truly pissed off (most of the time). if i was really pissed off, believe me you and everyone in the world would know and there would be no question as to my anger.
-for the most part everything is ok. i'm not sick (but i'm not well, haha sorry inside joke with robo) and apparently i look like crap but that's just me there's no real reason for that.

So there, i have single-handedly cleared up some common statements about me i have run into this week. Sorry for the confusion, i'm a complex mind i know. Haha!
Later faithful readers!

1/14/2006 12:58am
Well we know there's at least one person out there who was looing foward to this. As promised, Clemson pix. Only my fellow LaLas and myself would turn down an opportunity to sneak out of the hotel room and go to the ever-sketchy Fatz Cafe to dance around and take insane amounts of pictures in the room. What can i say? We're just a little bit awesome.

Possible future Clemson students in front of Tift Hall
admit it, you know you'd want to go to war with this
country any day of the week.


1/13/2006 6:20 pm

Ooh friday the 13th scary, not to mention last night i stayed in room 213. the weather was insane today, it rained while it was sunny, the wind blew in all directions, my car got hit by at least 2 and a half million tree branches on the way home, and the there's this supposed rainbow over my house telling me everything's gonna be ok. Oh goodness.

So the Clemson trip was definitely a lot of fun, certainly worth missing a day at good ole rhs. Here are some reasons why I, your fabulous correspondent, and you, the magnificent reader, should consider attending the fine institution of Clemson University for your post-secondary education:
1. The Clemson tiger mascot is VERY friendly, particularly with redheads who attend women's basketball games and make positive comments on the tiger's New Balance tennis shoes.
2. Clemson ice cream. The Food Science department makes their own ice cream and sells it on campus. Man i wish i had a picture. the ice cream is amaaaaaaazing, not to mention i got the biggest-assed double chocolate chip waffle cone and it set me back a startling 62 cents. ILOVECOLLEGE.
3. Tift Hall's bell. I have no idea how often it plays but someone today must have felt the need to have a serious jam session on the bells and it was nothing short of incredible. Cmon, when was the last time you heard "Bohemian Rapsody" played from a clock tower?
4. !Ashley's mom will come with you!

I mean those are just four of the many reasons. As for me, i was hoping this trip would help me decide once and for all where i wanted to go, or at least rank my choices. Truth is, i'm just as confused now as when i left.

The downside of the trip: having to sit in between ash and jen in the backseat for over 2 hours each way. i'm not knocking them at all, it was just a generally uncomfortable situation.

The upside of the trip: having our own hotel room for once. Muchos gracias to ashley for taking care of business in her parents' room. Yes there was a very loud mexi-party supply truck that woke us up in the middle of the night, and yes there was a "damn" funeral party getting ready to go to Wal-Mart (which was conveniently located across the street, by the way) but we had some majorly dorky good times in the room. Curious? Don't despair, dear reader, i will surely have pix of this fabulous occurrence in the near future.

Until then, I'm going to call some random people who won't be expecting me to call them tonight and try to find something to do. Because, despite my efforts all 20 things i could have done tonight fell through and now here i sit on my computer. Don't worry, i'm resourceful.

1/11/2006 9:36pm

Its dirty, gets underneath your fingernails, dries out your skin, and can be dangerous to your health. So why do I like it so much? Haha i'm talking about my own personal therapy: no not drugs, sex or alcohol, but clay. Yes i am a dork, but you have to give me credit, i'm a creative dork. My clay class started back up again after an over-month long hiatus which almost killed me as u could probably tell from previous posts. I don't know why clay does it for me, but its really relaxing unlike anything else in my life. Tonight i didn't really work though cause i spent most of the time sketching my thoughts as they are so jumbled and crazy i knew i couldn't be of any productive value to myself this evening. Is it a little weird that i seek solace in dirt? Probably. But i'm gonna keep saying it until someone believes me, i never said i was normal. But you love my abnormal self, i'm more interesting that way....admit it you do....

i had my internship interview with Haigwood Studios today. I'm so excited b/c they told me i can take pictures and use their lights, cameras, and equipment whenever i want and they said i could bring in friends to take pix too. So hey everybody come on down! PLUS, i get to go to weddings i wasn't invited to and eat the food. and my supervisor's kinda cute. Looks like i'm good to go this semester, yaya!

SO tomorrrow i embark with ash and jen on a journey to the far away boonytown of clemson, south carolina. w00t! I'm just glad to get out of roswell and hopefully have a fun night. i hope that this visit will give me the gut feeling i need to at least rank my choice of colleges, if not choose one. I'm ready to decide so when all the adults ask me where i'm going i can just say something straight up. Why do adults always ask you what your entire life is gonna be like? Do they honestly think you've figured it out? Have THEY even figured out their own lives? Oooh thats a good one i'm gonna use that on the next adult that asks....oh well basically my college visit means that you faithfull readers will not be able to hear from me until quite possibly Friday night! Oh the horror!
Well I guess i will talk to my lovely audience again on friday.
Miss me mucho, i'm just a red flash in your rear view mirror.

1/9/2006 10:19 pm

"its the beginning of the end" -amanda henleben (see babe i quoted you, not that you or anyone else is reading this right now)

We're over the hump i feel like i've practically graduated. scariness all around. i don't know how i feel about this, but i've decided i should just feel nothing about this until the time comes. just enjoy this while its here. thats whats important.

Meanwhile, Dark Angie seems to be retreating slowly but surely, and I hope i won't see her for a very long time. When i think about it, i've got a beautiful semester ahead and i cant wait to get going and hang out with all the new people i've met recently, meet new people, go crazy (in a good way this time), get the high school experience, repair ties with friends, "fuck the man", and of course take TONS of pictures. this is it, one last hoorah and i plan on it being a hoorah for sure.

Going back to school today surely sucked, but it was good for me. too much time at home is bad for the soul kelley always says. i feel energized now for some reason even though in reality i am quite tired. apparently i am bitter. but i am a redhead, and i am allowed to be that way when i get hurt, i mean cmon at least give me like a two-week bitchy window or something. i'm still scared of what's going to happen, i know what i've lost and i hope it all comes back to me. i'm still wary and protective of myself, but i'm getting there.

"I'm an idealist. I don't know where i'm going but i'm on the way."
Look at 06 i'm back!

1/8/2006 9:16 pm
All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is
but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch
and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

I get this sinking feeling, that i've been due for a nervous breakdown for awhile, and now my time has finally come. Not a serious one, but at the same time, this baby is not gonna be a little doozy either. My frustrations with myself and not wanting to be the perfect kid and the angie everyone expects me to be coupled with the drama mamas my friends are being and the up and down emotional roller coaster i have been on with my artner lately have begun to take their toll on me.

I remember when my grandfather died. I was in the fourth grade. Sure i was sad, and i cried just like everyone else. The whole thing was very hard on my mom b/c she was really close to her dad, so i tried to be strong for her. I remember one day a few days after it all happened, we were walking somewhere and she looked down at me and said, "you know angie, you have handled all of this very well, and you're holding up much better than i am. you are a very strong girl."
I guess i have always considered myself to be a strong person. at least outwardly. i have a lot going on inside me that most people never see because it stays neatly tucked away inside where it belongs, no need to get all messy and emotional, right? the problem with keeping it all inside is now i feel like i'm going crazy or something. and all of my thoughts on everything that's going on with me right now are getting jumbled up and it makes me unsure as to what i should be thinking anymore. i'm so scared of whatever happens next. yay second semester here i come with bells on.

1/8/2006 12:35pm

You know this story:
You're driving around town and you see a possum dead on the road. Yay. Roadkill. Pretty sick. You keep driving and think to yourself "Another one bites the dust. RIP little man." Later in the day you come back to that same spot and Mr. Possum has been hit a few times more, now there's a grand display of red oozy goodness all over the pavement that makes you want to concentrate on the road ahead, but at the same time you can't help but be a spectator and steal a glance. Finally, you drive by at the end of the day, and Mr. Possum has been reduced to a sickening red stain on the pavement, dotted with pieces of broken flesh and organ. He was alive 12 hours ago, and now he is just another disgust on your commute.

I am that possum. Whenever i get hit, i don't just get hit once. I get pounded into the pavement until there's not much left to look at.

The other day i was freaking out about how i can't continue my life the way it is anymore, trying to be perfect all the time and be everything everyone wants me to be. But now i'm not so sure who i want to be anymore, and i don't know where i'm headed. i'm so confused.

When everything is a certain way and its comfortable and its good you grow it love it. And it hurts so bad to find out that it really wasn't at all what you thought it was. I wish i could go back a month and live this all over again. i would have done more. i would have gone out. i would have stopped during those grand moments and really examined them for what they were worth. i would have soaked myself in the happiness and really cherished it while it was there. i'm so emo.

i'm scared now. school starts tomorrow and this is not how i had hoped to start my second semester. i thought it was going to be so good, but now i'm so confused and i don't know where to go or what to do. i've got supportive friends all around, but until everything is okay with one friend, i'm going to feel very alone.

I want everything to be ok. I want to be ok. I don't know when the last time i was really truly fully happy was, but i want to be happy again.

1/7/2006 11:36 am

It came back again last night. I hate it. It always builds up and then rears its ugly head at the worst of times. Amanda calls it "Dark Angie", basically the sum of my insecurities and mental issues. So whatever jumble that follows this, take with a grain of salt, its mainly a stream of conciousness that might not even be in english, and you are after all dealing with a crazy woman.

To all my friends, why can't u just leave me alone? Would it be so bad if something in my life changed? If i was maybe just a tad bit different than what you thought? Sometimes i get tired of being the one who hears about everyone else's fabulous lives but isn't allowed to have one of her own. I know i'm naive and inexperienced, but did you ever stop to think for once that just maybe i know something you don't, that maybe that's why i'm so different? That i am not willing to just accept whatever comes my way, i want a glorious experience in all aspects, and if that's too much to ask, then i guess i never considered myself a low maintenence individual. I'm not asking anyone to bow down and worship me or anything, i'm just saying i need people to be ok with me, and if u can't do that then honestly get the hell away from me, i don't need false allies and two-faced liars around. What i do need is people who will love me.

I don't allow myself to feel. Feeling is bad. Feeling is when you get hurt. If you can just go through your days like an iron wall everything will be okay and you won't have any problems, right? Wrong. I'm sooo tirrreed of just locking myself up from all the world has to offer me b/c i'm afraid. I frustrate myself so damn much sometimes.

Feelings make you sad but feelings make you happy too. Now that i think about it, i'm not so sure i've been happy in a while. God, why do i have to be like this, why can't i just be normal and ok?

The bottom line is i am so tired of trying to be perfect and be everything for everyone i just want to scream.

This must be incredibly entertaining. Welcome to the Angie Show, its just like a bad Alanis Morresette song except less Canadian. Everything You Never Wanted To Know About Angie Watson, here it is, i can't believe she'd put herself this far out here on the internet. Truth is, i don't know where to go or what to do anymore, i'm not so sure anyone understands whats going on and most of my friends are oblivious to most of whats going on in my life at any given time anyway. I try so haaaaarrrddd to be perfect, and i just can't anymore. I can't stay in this place b/c its just a vicious cycle that keeps coming back to haunt me, it alludes me always, and i just want it to go away for good.
me:

gusthewhale: u don't even know the half of it
gusthewhale: i'm dying
gusthewhale: i'm going insane
gusthewhale: i can't do this anymore
gusthewhale: i'm a wreck
gusthewhale: i've had this problem for so long
gusthewhale: and it just gets worse
gusthewhale: last week i thought i was losing my mind
gusthewhale: i can't be this way anymore
gusthewhale: perfect
gusthewhale: is not perfect
gusthewhale: and its not life
gusthewhale: and its not happy
theguitarsquall: say it with me angie
theguitarsquall: "im done with this shit"
theguitarsquall: "fuck this shit, im not being perfect anymore"
theguitarsquall: come on, say it angie
gusthewhale: i'm burning daylight
gusthewhale: i can't be this way anymore
gusthewhale: b/c i think too much
gusthewhale: and i don't have to be a bad kid
gusthewhale: but i can't be everybody's everything anymore
gusthewhale: i just want to be
gusthewhale: sometimes
gusthewhale: i wish
gusthewhale: that everyone would just leave me alone for a minute
gusthewhale: so i could just be ok
gusthewhale: this is me yousuf
gusthewhale: you want to know ginger the redhead
gusthewhale: this is her
gusthewhale: this is how she feels
theguitarsquall: and this is her at her finest
gusthewhale: this is her struggle

this is her struggle indeed. thank you for watching the Angie Show, feel free to return to your normal lives while she figures out what the hell she's supposed to do with hers, it should make for entertaining sequential episodes.

1/6/2006 8:53pm
What would we do without our friends, honestly?
Jenny Reeves says 'your parents are there to guide you but your friends take the journey with you' and she's pretty dang smart, so i'm gonna go with her on this one.
Today I took pix of RQ and Alex and RQ's totally awesome house. Everytime i go there i feel the strong urge to just sit down, relax, and stay awhile...however i don't really know RQ well enough to just be like 'hey wazzup i'm kinda just gonna hang out in your house and observe the world around me.'
The past few days have involved me doing a lot of things that involve evading authority and almost breaching illegality. Not such a good pattern, but an entertaining one. Last night Amanda and I scoured the aisles of Super-Ghetto Kroger and took pictures, all the while hiding from other customers, employees, beer guzzling college kids, and those freaky guys in the white Prism. Wow. Good times. My life is so amazing it astounds me sometimes.
Meanwhile for now i am concentrating on getting through Hostel, which i am for some reason going to see tonight, without vomiting, passing out, freaking out, crying, or going thru any kind of general hysteria. Wish me luck and say a prayer.

1/5/2006 6:34pm

Hot swimmers! Hot swimmers!
I went and took pictures at Heather's yesterday and despite her lack of sleep they are fabulous!!! She also did some pics of me of which i am very impressed (of her, not me) Man the past few days have been kinda crazy, although my definition of crazy probably refers to a much midler repertoire than most people's. It's been a lot of fun though. I have had the privelage of hanging out with a lot of people i might not ordinarily be able to hang out with, and its been awesome. I just DON'T want to go back to school. Even though its second semester senior year and its supposed to be fun, its still school which means swim practice and all the other junk that goes along with the institution. I feel better about my parents this week than last, maybe we all just needed to get away from each other a little, they seem to be getting off my back a little and realizing that i can deal with things myself.

I'm getting ready to just go for whatever the next few months have to offer me. Need I a ventilator to get through it, then that's just how its gonna have to be.

12/3/06 (woah its weird to write 06 now) 1:20 am

I spent much of today recovering from my late night last night, yes i did make it to practice on ONE hour of sleep. But the reason for my lack of sleep was genuine and totally worth it.

Tonight was basically stellar. Went to Adam's for football and hung out with some mad crazay cool people. Then i went out and did some stuff that is by true definition and nature quite strange, but tonight, it was quite lovely. Swung on some swings and got really dirty and wet, played blingo in strange places, looked at stars that weren't there, tried to dance but couldn't, ate a delicious cookie. In retrospect trying to type it out, it doesn't make much sense, but it made all the sense in the world to me, and it was great.

I realize things don't have to make sense to be beautiful. In fact everything's better off when its all a little strange.

In a word: w00t.
Lyrics of the day: I Will Follow You Into the Dark, Death Cab for Cutie
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

1/2/2005 1:34 am

Why the poop am i up this late i have practice in the morning? Well i can think of one reason and its worth it.

New Years Resolutions:
-Go to the gym more (and actually really work out)
-Be more outgoing and meet new people
-Stay away from extreme senioritis (acute senioritis is totally ok)
-Be nicer to my parents
-Get an awesome cd collection
-Learn something new everyday and be open to those new things
-Be a genuine person who people want to be around
-Love more, participate in drama less
-Go creatively crazy
-Eat my veggies

There are more. I will probably not do any of these. It's cool. Thats what they're for.