12/29/05 11:27 pm

DISCLAIMER: Please excuse any insanity you may see or have seen from me today, in recent times, or possibly ever, it seems i am not quite myself.

Man i don't know what my deal is. I think its just that being on break and not being too terribly busy the past few days has allowed me plenty of time to think to myself, and with me that is a recipe for a very dangerous situation. I have found myself being frustrated with the same thing over and over again for the past few years, often in different contexts, but always ultimately the same thing: I guess I feel like I've always gone out of my way to be a good kid, and sometimes being such a good kid almost makes me mad, because I'm pretty sure I've missed out on some awesome. Now of course I'm not saying I'm perfect, by NO means is that true, but I think my parents have gotten used to having a kid that strives to be as good and perfect as possible, and now that's really becoming an issue.

Am I trying to run the streets at night as a crack dealer in Steve Madden heals? No of course not. I'm just tired of all this hokieness. My folks tend to make a big deal of things that aren't actually a big deal (prob cause they are "sheltered" parents) so I know if I did anything out of the ordinary it would be a huge issue.

I don't think any of this actually makes any sense now that I've typed it out...thats prob part of the reason why I struggle with it so much, its so hard to grasp exactly what the problem is and honestly I think I'm prob just making something out of nothing.

I'm just so damn tired.

Then again, tomorrow I'll probably be fine.

Somebody slap me I'm a frickin emo kid.