2/12/2006 11:48 am
I'm pretty much freaking out right now. I've been sitting at my computer for over 2 hours now with only one paragraph and not a lot of direction as far as my character analysis paper for college english goes. im freaking out. i have the worst writers block ever, i can barely formulate full sentences, much less scholarly ones.

I wise person once told me writers block is the product of something else being in the way in your brain so the important thoughts cant get out. so maybe i should clear the way for the literary analysis to get through. and that, i think i will do, so here goes:

to my friends:

1. i know whats going on

2. i can handle it i promise

3. stop treating me like im a retarded 4 year old

i'm so sick of this act everyone is trying to pull off. i feel like i've never been treated with the respect i deserve from my friends and apparently never will be. its so stupid how everyone tiptoes around me and keeps secrets from me about things that aren't important...do you realize how stupid and small that makes me feel? dont get mad if i dont let you into my life, because you never made the effort to be a part of it before, and you dont even have the courtesy to let me into yours so why should i return the favor? i dont think anyone else understands what it is like to have everyone treating you like you are the weirdest person in the world. yall have made me so unsure of myself in ways i thought i never would be. now i dont know whats normal and what isnt and if i am normal or not because even if you're pretty sure of who you are, when everyone else is treating you otherwise it makes you question things. is this the way friendship is supposed to be? people treating each other like insignificant pieces of trash? i wish someone could just tell me everythings ok and everything will be different from now on, but thats not how it is. i will never be respected, so i should just get used to it i guess.

sorry for the alanis-style rant, maybe that will cure my block.