ever feel like God's trying to tell u no? the timing's off, things happen, circumstances change.

true love waits.

what does that mean?

does it mean that true love waits on you? does it mean that true love waits out the circumstances until things are better? does it mean that true love doesn't happen until its own time? would i be so far-fetched to say that somewhere deep dark in my mind's fantasy world i hope to be walking the streets of new york and bump into the succesful tall dark and handsome musician i used to know all those years ago. am i just naive and weird for thinking that? maybe not. this is my life. it goes how i want it to. possibilites...endless. this year has shown me that. if you told me that a year from now i would be out of school on a tour bus rolling around the country following some band around and photojournaling at all, id think you were crazy...then id step back and say u know what this is my life and im driving now. whatever i want is what i get, nothing more nothing less.

i reserve the right to change my mind. but you never know, i may just get that loft in new york. and we may bump into each other on the street. you just NEVER KNOW.

i dont want to live in a generation that breeds and lives off of apathy anymore.

i think its time we all realized that we are responsible for our fates. life isnt something that happens to you, its something you do. i dont want to roll over and play dead and let things happen to me just because they "have to" they dont have to, nothing has to. its all up to how i make it.

which leads me to ask myself why things are how they are with me. i can walk all over and be mean and say no all day long to the people i really care about, but the strangers? oh no, you have to be polite to them. which basically means i get myself into situations i dont want to be in. and then i feel used and bad. i think i've decided that for the most part, im just another conquest. a good idea at the time. funny how things end up. i dont know whats a lie and whats just being nice anymore. i was never good at reading into things.