i have a feeling this is gonna be a long entry and that is because i have quite a bit of time to kill before i have to get ready for dinner out with kelley and because i have quite a bit on my mind. several of my friends are leaving on long trips which will put them arriving back in roswell early to mid august, basically meaning that after they leave its all over. guess what guys, i dont get to go to uga and be with all my friends and fall slowly out of touch. im going to have to snap the chord of a blunt and final goodbye. i dont get the luxury of familiarity where im going, and right now thats killing me. in the wee early hours of wednesday morning, i began to think in that tired state of mind youre in at 4 am, and i realized for real how im going to have to say goodbye to all these people. then i did what i never wanted to do. i thought about that final time, going over to everyones' houses and amongst the boxes and bags saying goodbye one last time, reccounting memories and hopefully conveying how much they truly have meant to me all these years. i thought specifically of this with my four closest friends: robo, sufs, amanda, and kelley. i cried myself to sleep. that is going to be so hard. to know that years and years of just being together are summed up and closed in one moment is unfathomable to me. but i hope to convey to everyone i care about how much they have meant to me and the impact they have had on my life before they go.

it has been said that art imitates life and i believe it. music is so hugely reminiscent of the day to day occurences in my life and it has the ability to bring me back to places i would have otherwise forgotten. so in an effort to show love i would like to show the complete progression of a special relationship i have had through song lyrics. it is amazing how the music u listen to can correlate so exactly to your experiences. and far as who this goes out to, that person knows. *puts hand over mouth*

11.2005
'I want you to love me, he whispers, unable to speak.
And he wonders aloud why feelings so strong make the body so weak."- green and gray, nickel creek

"I wanna live life, never be cruel,

I wanna live life, be good to you.

I wanna fly, never come down,

And live my life,

And have friends around."

-we never change, coldplay

"If I were a painter
I would paint my reverie
If that's the only way for you to be with me

We'd be there together
Just like we used to be
Underneath the swirling skies for all to see "

-painter song, norah jones

" She's reformed.
She took the family car.
She's getting high.
She's never slipped so far.

It's the best thing she's ever had."

-the best thing, ivy

12.2005

"I used to be the one saw
Crying alone to sad songs
But then we go and hit the wall
When nothings changed, nothing's wrong
It's not the perfect hand
But I dont hit on nineteen

And I don't need another kind of green to know
I'm on the right side
I'm on the right side with you"

-another kind of green, john mayer trio
"Please, remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees
You turn from me
And said 'The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last'
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs
The parking lot
Had an element of danger"
-the trapeze swinger, iron and wine

"and true love waits
in haunted attics
and true love lives
on lollipops and crisps

just don't leave
don't leave"

-true love waits, radiohead

"My heart is yours,
It's you that I hold on to,
That's what I do,
And I know I was wrong,
But I won't let you down,
(Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah I will, yes I will:)

I say "oh,"
I cry "oh."

Yeah I saw sparks"
-sparks, coldplay

1.2006


"This is the moment that you know that you told her that you loved her but you don't

You touched her skin and then you think that she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.

Yeah she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me...

All I see are dark gray clouds in the distance moving closer with every hour

So when you'd ask Is something wrong?

I'd think, You're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now! No we can't talk about it now.



So one last touch and then you'll go and we'll pretend it meant something so much more

But it was vile and it was cheap and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

Yeah, you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me."
-tiny vessels, death cab for cutie


"One of these days

You'll miss your train, and come stay with me

It's always say goodnight and go

We'll have drinks and talk about things

And any excuse to stay awake with you

You'd sleep here, I'd sleep there

But then the heating may be down again

At my convenience

We'd be good, we'd be great together

Go



Why'd you have to be so cute

It's impossible to ignore you

Must you make me laugh so much

It's bad enough we get along so well

Say goodnight and go"
Goodnight and Go- Imogen Heap

2.2006

"Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)

To say you're the only one breaking me down like this

You're the only one I would take a shot on

Keep me hanging on so contagiously"

-so contagiously, acceptance

"And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men
Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides
Like brothers on a hotel bed "
-brothers on a hotel bed, death cab for cutie

3.2006

"Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care."

-goodbye my lover, james blunt

4.2006

"There are names across the sea
Only now I do believe

Sometimes when the window’s closed
You sit and think of me

But she’ll mend his tattered clothes
And they’ll kiss as if they know

A baby lives in all of us
So scared to be alone"

-our endless numbered days, iron and wine

"And all our sins
Come back to haunt us in the end
To hang around
To tap us on the shoulder
And smile silent
Its all implied you’ll die tryin
So to live this down
You might as well forget it"

-mistakes we knew we were making, staylight run

"

It takes no time to fall in love

But it takes you years to know what love is

And it takes some fears to make you trust

It takes those tears to make it rust

It takes the dust to have it polished



Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful"

-life is wonderful, jason mraz

"Do you believe

In what you see

Motionless wheel

Nothing is real

Wasting my time

In the waiting line

Do you believe in

What you see"

-in the waiting line, zero 7



"You and me

Meant to be

Immutable

Impossible

It's destiny

Pure lunacy

Incalculable

Insufferable

But for the last time

You're everything that I want and ask for

You're all that I'd dreamed

Who wouldn't be the one you love


Who wouldn't stand inside your love"

-stand inside your love, smashing pumkins

5.2006

"God bless the daylight, the sugary smell of springtime
Remembering when you were mine
In a still suburban town

When every thursday i'd break those mountain passes
And you'd skip your early classes
And we'd learn how our bodies worked.

God damn the black night with all it's foul temptation
I become what i always hated
When i was with you then

We looked like giants in the back of my grey subcompact
Fumbling to make contact
As the others slept inside"
-we looked like giants, death cab for cutie


"what hurts the most
is being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could've been
and not seeing that loving you
is what i was trying to do."
-what hurts the most, rascall flatts

"There's really no way to reach me (x3)
'Cause I'm already gone

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again
Straighten this whole thing out
Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy
This is the distance
And this is my game face

There's really no way to reach me (x2)
Is there really no way to reach me?
Am I already...

So this is your maverick
This is Vienna"
-vienna, the fray

"Garden wall of eden
Full of spiderbites and all your lovers
We were

We were born to fuck each other
One way or another

But i'll only lie
Down by the waterside at night"

-evening on the ground, iron and wine

"But what you've done here

Is put yourself between a bullet and a target

And it won't be long before

You're pulling yourself away "
-bullet and a target, citizen cope



Sailin' away on the crest of a wave

It's like magic

Rollin' and ridin' and slippin' & slidin'

It's magic


And you, and your sweet desire,

You took me, higher and higher

It's a livin' thing,

It's a terrible thing to lose

It's a given thing

What a terrible thing to lose.

-livin thing, elo


well im sure no one actually read that or really cares but looking back on those lyrics really just brings everything
about this year back like im sitting there all over again. this goes out to the one i love. my life has been changed
because of his presence there and i wouldnt have it any other way. some people just never cease to amaze you more
you could ever have expected. if i died today i could die knowing i have been loved. some would disagree when told
specifics of the situation but to that i say this: it has taken me actually going through it myself to realize,
but it is possible to have true love in the nontraditional sense. just because lies occurred before and because youre
not the only one, that doesnt mean you should invalidate all feelings the other person has expressed. sometimes its
just bad timing. sometimes things dont always work quite the way the world thinks they should. but the world isnt
right and love can exist in many forms in many ways. so to the one i love, thank you. you will never know how
much you mean to me.