fear of flying.

just playing around with some type on a photograph from this weekend. it needs some work and so do i...shit!

i spent my fall break in evanston, a suburb of chicago visiting alex. ive always wanted to go to chicago, and my dad always talked about taking a Christmas trip up there to see the lights and all during the holiday season. years have come and gone with those promises and i finally just took matters into my own hands and made the journey to chicago myself.

a friend told me it was gutsy of me to make the trip on my own. not sure if she was referring to the solo plane ride or the trip as a whole, but it really never crossed my mind. i dont like to fly but i know that is only because i dont do it very much. the time in between my air travel is littered with too many plane crash news stories and close call newspaper headlines that i assume every time i board a plane my number must be up this time. perhaps even more unnerving than that is going through airport security. remember that idiot in the uga hat that got hartsfield shut down for a whole damn day? yeah, who wants to be that guy? (that was not a good day for positive publicity for uga fans for sure) back to what i was saying, despite my superficial concerns about flying, i never batted an eye at the thought of traveling alone. in fact once i did arrive i ended up spending much my time alone, navigating the streets of chicago and its public transit system with no map, no alibi.

now let me preface this by saying there is a difference between challenging yourself and turning a blind eye to putting yourself in dangerous situations. believe me, i know that, but i love the idea of testing myself...in fact i need it every so often. i need to know that i can be on my own and be ok. not because i actually need to be on my own, but just to know that i can. ive come to terms with the fact that that was the single greatest reason why i went to ut. there was nothing so much grander about that school above all the others, but because it gave me the opportunity to test my sense of independence, make sure all the gears and wires within me were still working after years of lesser use. my great disappointment is that being back in georgia is easy, im no longer being tested on a daily basis, i no longer have to try to survive it just comes naturally.

so i need stuff like this. times where i just go and do my own thing on my own just to make sure i can, its something i think ill always need, for my own sanity's sake among other reasons.

my rooms a mess and i dont know where anything is, but i think ill send a few emails. im already ready to book more weddings. i need more funding to feed my insatiable wanderlust.