double life

what a perfect weekend. these kinds of weekends are the ones you dont mind going through killer weeks to get to. amanda drove all the way from kentucky to come see us which was awesome of her. then i drove to atlanta to celebrate my two year anniversary with jordan...still hard to believe its been two years since that awkward at best dinner date freshman year followed by scurried visits to each other's schools with uncomfortable dorm room living situations all of which led to where we are today. we had the most fabulous dinner downtown then stayed in what will probably be the coolest place ill ever stay with a double window view of the city...amazing. naturally, i didnt want to leave. jordan enjoyed his stratocaster thank God. i know not too much about guitars but it worked out well. i was really thankful to have work right now and be able to get him a nice gift like that.

of course all good things must come to an end, so im back at school with seriously a truckload of work to do. i keep telling myself the semester is almost over only to remember that it actually isn't almost over at all. six weeks is hardly almost over. so i trudge forward with my double life. the weekends offer a calm solace and break from everything that's going on, and its a wonderful neccesary break for me, but im so strung out on school right now that i plunge myself into these weekends and breaks, abandoning everything i know about athens. all that is fine, its what i need because i hate worrying about work all the time, but then when sunday rolls around its like dragging a pig to slaughter. its impossible for me to get that drive and motivation back. im not all here anymore. a little bit of me is at the beach, a little bit of me is at home, a little bit of me is in midtown. im a robot here, a person everywhere else. other places i get to have feelings and emotions, free time, dreams, food and sleep. here i am mechanical. i dont eat sleep or laugh. i mostly just worry about the future and stare in shock at the people around me and their often ludicrous behavior. i wish i could stop living for those breaks so much and just find myself in my daily life. but that cant happen so long as im living a double life.