closing time.

so i dont know if i can reiterate this enough. im ready to go home! i am done here.

jordan came this weekend for formal and it was wonderful. i forgot about everything else going on, which is what i strive to do on a daily basis anyway, and just enjoyed myself. i am now dehydrated, tired and have a variety of other issues i wont go into, but it was a fun weekend. formal was fun and despite the happiness i feel that jordan was there, my most favorite and memorable part of the evening may have been stuffing myself into the bathroom with about 15 of my sorority sisters, everyone bouncing around and talking and being crazy. then of course there were the meatballs and the spicy crackers, i suppose those could be considered highlights as well haha.

so now jordan is gone and im back to the realities at hand. he took our futon with him which means the room is slowly but surely turning back to its original shape. when i leave this place on may 9th it will have bare floors, beds on the floor, bare walls, and empty warm fridge. it will look just like the institutional cell that i walked into on august 19th, devoid of all the memories, the emotions, the hours spent on ichat, the wine parties, the studying, the sleeping late and staying up all nights.

but it is sooo time to move on.

i'm so excited for what summer is sure to bring me. but i also approach summer with a hint of reservation. home is now almost an unfamiliar place. the same people will return but they will not be the same people that once resided there. its scary to face the facts of what will come of me and some of my friends, its not always a pretty sight.

then theres the prospect of finally being in a relationship with someone i share a zip code with. but i also approach this with a sense of reservation. the deeper i go, the harder i fall. the distance makes it easier to keep myself in line, to try to precent myself from becoming too invested in this. to protect myself. but when the distance goes away, i know i will forget about all those things, as i rightfully should. letting go and enjoying yourselves is what its all about. but when the time comes, can i handle the distance again? at the end of the day it will become a question of seriousness, are we willing to face three more years of this struggle? is it worth the sacrifice?

i dont know, its very apparent upon my reading back over what i just said that i am thinking way to deeply into this. summer hasnt even begun yet. if i spend my time worrying about what the end of summer will bring, ill miss the summer itself.

can i just reiterate once more that im so ready to get out of here. tennessee has been kind to me, but im tired of being a freshman.

im ready to go home.