should we be concerned?

theres a swine flu spreading around the world, experts say it could be a new pandemic.

theres a man running around somewhere having killed three people, they still havent caught him and for all i know hes in my yard though my guess is that hes dead somewhere.

the economy has yet to recover and people are scrambling for jobs.

quasi socialism?

ok, the news is now officially off my list of acceptable programs to watch, if i have to parental block it i will. but even as such, current events are more or less unavoidable.

ill be the first to say that i am one of those people. i am crazy. i believe in a lot of the conspiracy theories that float around like the NWO theory and others. i believe that the world is crumbling beneath us and has been for a while. i wish i could stop believing this because its not exactly a rosy outlook for life, but i cant really help it at this point, im scared shitless. forgive me for my many conservatively-slanted parnoid entries lately, but like i said, i am one of those people. believing in the Bible as i do and interpreting it in a way that is standard with the bounds of my denomination, my hope is that if the world goes to shit, i wont be here, for if i have made myself right with God i will be taken beforehand, but seriously i dont want to see the world like that, even before it gets really bad. i suppose thats why heaven exists, to reveal how shitty the world actually is, but so far the world has been decent, and i dont want to have horrible memories of anywhere, im not too keen on seeing some global failure going down, i prefer it when things are going well. but then again who doesn't?

am i beginning to sound like andy rooney? oh geez.

so other than avoiding anything with headlines or news of any kind on it, ive been busting tail on paintings. my optimism waxes and wanes depending upon what project i am completing. some days i am convinced i have a chance, other days i dont even want to get even if i did, others i feel like everything i do is horrible and still yet others i am plagued by an uncertain future regardless of outcome.

but the swine flu and the NWO or lack thereof and the crazy marketing prof and the outcome of my review are pretty much out of my hands. and its high time to let those things go and live. if i want to see the world as something beautiful, if i want to experience it before i go, whenever that may be, then i must must must live my life.

but first
i must paint
a lot
thats one thing i do have control over lol.