the best for last.

this semester has been a toughie, probably the most challenging one yet. my workload was unfathomable, i was under a great deal of pressure to get into the graphic design program, i put an unhealthy amount of stress on my body with long nights no sleep awkward diets and too much stress, i was living out of my bedroom and dealing with some pretty heavy room mate issues, i was still adjusting to a a new school and trying to build a new life and of course along the way always on the desperate search to find out who exactly i am once again. all the struggles, the lack of sleep, the stresses, the tears, the physical and emotional pain were canceled out this weekend. and i will tell you why.

it began thursday night. i was still exhausted from the night before staying up late finishing up my graphic design portfolio and due to my stupid inability to nap the following day, but i was determined to celebrate. i went by button's bf's house for a while and as soon as i got out of the car everyone on the porch was yelling my name. they know my name?! victory #1 for the night haha. this made me feel nice inside. then molly and i literally ran downtown leading the group and went to level where our end of the year rave was taking place. i promised my little i would buy her a shot, but the line was rediculously long. standing there, i got a call from my graphic design friends wanting me to come meet them at copper creek. debating in my head the pros and cons of waiting in this rediculously long line i bid adeau to my friends. i had paid $8 for a wristband for an event i didnt even attend. oh well, i missed the white tshirt memo anyway haha.

besides i think i had more fun with the art kids than i would have drunkenly dancing around in strobe lights, i hate those seizure-inducing things. for that one night our group hung in a balance, we were all united in our sense of relief that this grueling process was over, knowing that in only a few days the group was likely to be split and we would all go our separate ways no longer united in the facebook chats in the wee hours of the morning because we were up all night painting or the inside jokes about moon. but that night we were all there buying each other drinks and reveling in the finality of it all, whether we really believed it was over or not. i spent the rest of the night with an incredibly random group of people including a girl dressed like a pineapple and when i got home and realized it was 4 am, i could hardly believe it...i havent been up that late in years probably and it didnt even feel that late at all.

i planned on sleeping reading day away, but unfortunately my body had other plans. i spent the rest of the day cleaning up and turning in my photo final, at which time i also learned that i had been accepted into the photography program...great, but not what i was looking for lol. evening rolled around and through our backyard strolls ashley, it was hard to believe she was even there. she picked me up and spun me around about twenty times and it was so nice to have her back. we headed over to a mexican restaurant in normaltown and illegally got margaritas for the table. those mexicans love their tequila and i was kind of glad i had volunteered to drive because those things were too strong for my taste haha. back at our place we set up the basically full bar jordan had brought over left over from moving out of his apartment. we sat out on the deck creating our own small gathering in a sea of other deck parties until it started raining, at which point our intimate gathering turned into a dance party. i rock teh pocker face better than anyone you know believe it.

i dont really know what time i went to sleep jordan was in and out of my room all night and i was so exhausted from everything that i probably slept through any events that took place after about two or three. its always nice to wake up with him there. i had to grab the address of the church i was headed to later in the afternoon so i pulled up my email to get the info. waiting in my inbox were two new messages, both from moon, one called "congratulations" and one called "wrong email" these two seemed to have conflicting content and so i sat there for a while considering which, if any to open. jordan determined that congratulations sounded happier and i should open that one first. turns out the wrong email one was just concerning some kind of minor issue with my email address. the congrats email told me that i had indeed been accepted into the graphic design program!!!!! i still dont believe it, it came as such a shock to me and its still hard to really grasp what happened and what all this means for my future. however ultimately the only thing that matters is that now i do have a future. for the past three years my life has hung in a balance based entirely upon acceptance into the program both during my time at ut and my time here. now i have something to hold onto, something concrete, absolute and real. its so nice to know where im going. ill be in school for extra time, but once i get out of school ill be trained and have lots of opportunities available to me, graduates of the program always do. im nervous and i still doubt my abilities for sure, this journey isnt going to be easy for me for sure, but it never has been so i guess im getting used to it.

i spent yesterday photographing a wedding and trying to stay awake for the whole thing. i came home and absolutely crashed. im still sleep deprived, but ive got another wedding today so no rest for the weary! my first korean wedding...should be interesting.

ive still got two finals to go, in fact one of them could determine whether or not i pass a class, but my mind is so distracted by all the wonderfullness of this weekend, im not sure how ill get any studying done haha. thank you to everyone who gave me love and support throughout all this, who listened to my depressed phone calls, who understood why i wasnt mentally or sometimes physically there half the time, who picked up the slack for me when i couldnt. i speak a lot about the moment in high school when i stood up on the stage and recieved a department award i wasnt expecting for my work in photography my senior year. i speak a lot about that moment because it was an accomplishment, but not just an accomplishment, it was a milestone reached all on my own based on my hard work and it was recognized. i dont even know where that medal is today, but ill never forget how it made me feel. the last three years have been comprised of a lot of stressing, plan b making, worrying, crying, depression, insecurities and self doubt, and of course a lot of late nights filled with hard work.

it was worth it.