remnants from my weekend in suburbia.

i rent a room and i
fill the spaces with
wooden places to
make it feel like home
but all i feels alone.

seems like i forgot to listen to the rest of the song:

everybody is just a stranger
but thats the danger in
going my own way
i guess thats the price i have to pay
still everything happens
for a reason
its no reason not to ask myself
if i am living it right.

this weekend was probably the best thing i could have done. i still dont want to get over high school. and now i have admitted that to myself. sometimes there are things in your life that you dont realize were great or dont realize you miss until theyre gone.

like high school and all that in entails.

like haigwood studios.

like mammy's cookies.

like carpet on the floor.

like beds not on stilts.

like jordan interns.

like predictability.

like my interest in photography.

if you knew how much youd miss it when it was gone i dont think you would miss it as much when it was gone. if you knew how much it really meant to you beforehand you would cherish it and love it to death and youd have few qualms about leaving it because you could say you did everything you possibly could. but that my dears is not how we operate.

but i take comfort in the fact that im not alone in my journey. yesterday i probably spent a grand total of four hours on the phone. quite rediculous i should say. i should probably be spending that time going out and meeting people or at least studying or knitting or rotting in my own filth or something. but i enjoy every second of it. when jenny reeves the genuis whos strong and been to hell and back and still stands up straight and speaks good english tells me shes not so sure how she feels right now. i know im going to be ok.

i changed my relationship status on facebook and thanks to that dang minifeed i got a wave of concerned messages and emails or just hellos from people that i knew were a result of the gigantic flashing ANGIE IS ALONE EVERYONE DONT POINT TOO MUCH SHE MIGHT NOTICE going across their computer screens.

truth is i dont think im very sure where we stand. i cant really put a name to it. after last nights conversation, i dont think anything has really changed, i just dont have a title anymore. i think its fear of heartbrake driving his decisions. or maybe fear that a title means pressure to move foward in directions that just arent possible for us right now. maybe he just wants to keep his options open. maybe he just doesnt want to say goodbye for real. maybe he cant let me go. im pretty sure its all of the above.

i dont want to get myself into a friends with benefits situation, but i dont feel like thats what this is.

and it appears that i never will do conventional.

but the truth is, i will be back in roswell in 3.25 weeks. after that, its a maze of date parties, mixers, papers, midterms, projects, games, trips to uga, rhs homecoming, visitors, finals, and christmastime. it will all be here before i realize it. so im not going to worry too much about all that. i go to class in what i slept in with no makeup, unfortunately. so i dont think anyone else is going to snatch me up anytime soon. and right now theres a lot of things i need to do. so ill go to class. try to make myself go running. make phone calls. read up on photography. do my laundry. go to Bible study. keep my room clean. try to get my name out here. dumb down my photography to try to get my groove back again. call home. go to games. go to the flea market on the weekends. try to finish knitting that scarf i need to.

and these little tasks are what get us by, because robyn say:
1. boys are hormonal bastards
2. take it day by day

i think my plan satisfies both.