the photobooth.

Well I lost track when those words were said,
you took the wheel and you steered us into my bed,
and soon we woke and I walked you home
and it was pretty clear that is was hardly love.

And as the summers ending,
the cold air will rush your hard heart away.
You were so condescending,
and this is all that's left scraping paper to document.
I've packed a change of clothes and it's time to move on.

I have been listless, bored, fidgety, unsatisfied, and extremely moody for the past, geez, week or so. I dont really like feeling this way. At the end of the day, I know I'm facing this huge inevitable question: who the hell are you? Yes im here in tennessee and i have this path to follow where i stay here for four years and i take the classes and maybe i get a little job on the side and thats that and i live in a dorm then i live in an apartment then i graduate and i move on. But life is greater than that. life is bigger than this cookie cutter set we hand ourselves and call it a life plan. so now i find myself bouncing around in this box of possibilities with no real direction anymore. no i dont have to make any decisions about anything in my life right this second, but in a way i do. i take comfort in knowing where im going.

this weekend was my first weekend this year at UT. drews birthday was last night so we went out to dinner which was fun, then afterwards an abundance of festivities ensued. im in college i should do what i want and not feel bad about it at all, but i kinda feel like i dont even like to drink that much. i will. and its fun of course. but i just dont really want to get into that all that much. but sometimes i look around and realize the people that matter most to me are hundreds of miles away. i dont have the stupid things to share with them like i used to. i can no longer spend friday nights having chick flick marathons, crazy scavenger hunts, knoshing over our high school yearbook and sharing all the gossip over a box of famous amos cookies, running around borders at the avenue, or sweeping down to the city for a meal that makes us feel like we're sexy and important. instead now all i have is this plastic tumbler full of God knows what and a few people i trust enough to make sure i or no one else dies out there tonight.

i dont want that life. i dont want the life where i shit my cheap-assed lycra blue jeans every time a frat boy looks my way. i dont want the life where i get my kicks on the weekends simply because i hang out with people i dont know when i have the artificial courage to do so and i dont remember half of what happened anyway. i dont want the life where i live for anything other than whats genuine and true. i dont want the life where i choose my friends based upon who i party with. i dont want the life where i have to paint on this perma-grin smile so that everyone thinks im having the time of my life. i dont want the life where i have to compromise myself.

and that is exactly where i feel myself heading.
and i do not want that.
not one bit.

so what do you do when you find yourself on the path of unrighteousness?

you turn and go.
just turn and go.
turn and GO.
im about ready to go.

I've packed a change of clothes and it's time to move on.



And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again