18.5 more...

...days of classes.

i dont know how much longer i can take this. my brain has been stretched creatively beyond its maximum capacity. all of my classes except for art history require me to be constantly thinking and developing my ideas. this can wear on you after awhile. i feel like i never really get rest or sleep from it all because im always having to think about something and somehow its never any fun.

meanwhile i sit on my college websites on an almost hourly basis checking my admission status as if somehow its going to magically change right before my very eyes. im so scared somethings going to happen and i wont get in and ill be stuck here and be right back in that hole that for the past month ive finally felt like there might be a way out of it. its a big gamble and im not a gambler.

continuing on with the random topics for today, i spent last evening in katies living room with the few pbp girls that i like. i felt like i was really connected to them for the first time last night, like for once i was apart of their universe. we talked about something other than whats prim and proper and whats surface skimming. we talked about sex and everyones first time. it reminded me of this book one of the gd students did last year at the design competition that included various stories of different womens first experiences, it was interesting and i plan on copying it someday. its funny how so many people can connect by how stupid they were or how hurt theyve been. its so easy for girls to be pushovers, to put improper blame on themselves, to try to fix things in ways they shouldnt. sometimes it works ok and sometimes it doesnt.

before i head off to art history i would like to thank drew from Ithaca for his kind words on the last entry. ive noticed your comings and goings over the past year, but assumed as i usually do that it was some scary internet person. im glad you've randomly found yourself here and not on one of the many blogger blogs in espanol, which is what happens to me every time i click view random blog. though it is sketchy in some respects, it is nice to know that some strangers do find what i say entertaining enough to continue reading.

if anyone gets bored this afternoon you should read the short story "the ones who walk away from omelas" it is only a few pages long in print and though the first part is a little wordy and spastic it is absolutely delicious. it can be found here: http://harelbarzilai.org/words/omelas.txt

im off to shove more information up my ass.toodles.