heres to real love.

annnnnnnnnnnnd...


we're done.

at the risk of going back on what i write or contradicting myself with my words or actions later on, im just gonna say that im done with life as it is now. cant do it anymore. its eating me up inside, and i dont think i really realized it.

for like 17 years i lived my life very conservatively, very protected. men showed no interest in me ever, and when they did it was some kind of sick yearbook table joke. i always followed the rules and never even considered anything else as a possibility.

but things have changed and what i must realize is that just because those things were all true in the past, my actions dictate the person i am today and in the future. therefore just because it used to not be a characteristic of me to be a slut ho, that doesnt mean my actions today dont make me one. i cant rely on that "this is totally a not 'me' thing to do, but..." prefix anymore because truth is, people change, the characteristics of yesterday DO NOT dictate who i am and how i am percieved today. this is the greatest beauty and the greatest downfall in life.

i had my rebellious fun. i got a taste of the other side. its not to say i dont want to be crazy and have fun with my life, but this is not the way to do it. its not right.

i cut my last main tie to roswell last week.

i caught up with old friends.

i reconciled with my artner.

i kicked ass in art class.

all of these things have led to a kind of inner calmness about me. and that calmness leads me back to the unturbulent angie. the one who makes mistakes but really does her best.

i must find God again.