the picture says it all.

im a little bit confuzzled right now.

a little bit pulled apart.

a little bit chemically imbalanced.

its all part of the game.

ive been slacking off quite a bit in the midst of my little emotional journey in search of where my future is going to take me, and now i am beginning to see that i must move foward and get my shit together. regardless of where i go...if i stay here, if i try to go somewhere i cant afford, if i study abroad, if i study in the us, i must keep the grades up. its the closest thing i have running in my favor so i must do it.

and i suppose this is how i operate. i work well under pressure. i can kick my own ass with the best of them. the truth of the matter is despite appearances i am a very hard worker, i just can be easily detracted when im bored and unmotivated. which seems to be quite often these days. left to my own devices in my current emotional state i would probably be quite happy laying in my bed listening to unfamiliar indie music and eating cookie dough while surfing facebook and recanting on days gone by.

but no.



this weekend was initiation weekend for sorority. it was interesting to think that i underwent exactly the same process that the ladies back in 1867 did. two of the charter members for the ut chapter were at the luncheon today. it was interesting to hear them talk about how the chapter got started. it made me pine to live in those times. sure i would have been suppressed by society as a female. but my role would be to pop out the kids and baste the turkey, and at least in that case my life would have direction.

guys would actually open doors and pay for stuff and say golly and gee instead of godammit all the time and stay out of your pants for the most part.


it scares me that one of these days today will be the good old days.
and as sarah and i established, we would have been frickin sexy as all get out.