oh look its my id, ego and superego doing their thing again. this may be the most scandalous blog picture yet. its how i feel. ive always been fascinated with the struggle between good and evil. where we draw the line.

im so excited to be home for winter break. for once i am here and i dont have to count down the days until i leave or cram all kinds of laundry list activities in before i have to head back up to the knox.i am just here and i love being here. my bed feels orgasmically wonderful...and its not 12 feet off the ground. the food is good. and more importantly i love the people im going to get to see. however, for the first time i felt like i was actually leaving something behind. tonight helen is going to watch a meteor shower and i wish i could be there. i have another life in tennessee now, and im finally ready to recognize that.

today was an interesting day. i went and saw a few old friends. i took the long way home and in some way i think things are falling into place as they should. at least for now.

respect is something people earn. with some the respect others have for them diminishes as time passes. im all too afraid that my friends have less respect for me now than they did a year, or even just a few months ago because of the way i have acted and conducted myself recently. however there are some who gain more and more respect with time. today, i experienced losing respect for myself and gaining respect for a friend. looks like im incapable of being the bigger person. but im lucky enough to have friends who will be with me along the way, at least until they stop wanting to deal with my shit.

i got home to an empty house tonight. the tree needs to be decorated and that is apparently my job. but instead i took this picture. then i made myself a grilled cheese. then i thought for awhile. for the past few months ive been searching. reading books, looking through anthologies, searching the internet, plotting, thinking. hoping to find some course of action for a series in photography for the christmas break. at first i was hopeful, then uncertain, then baffled, then i didnt care anymore, i was passionate, then i completely abandoned all hope and the answer was staring me in the face all along....

every relationship you have with others leaves you a changed person. others allow us to see how we want or dont want to be in our own lives or help us or hurt us in our interactions with others. coming back here and seeing everyone after an extended period of time reminds me of all ive been taught by these wonderful people who have surrounded me for the past 7 years. they have shaped me to be who i am today and each has taught me something i hope to never forget. so in celebration of that. i want to bring you a series of potraits. poignant, beautiful, real and true, along with the message each individual brings with them. this is my idea and i hope that it will be a worthwhile and visually stunning journey.

there is much more to say. i have missed writing this over the past few days. but dont worry, youll here enough from me in the days to come.