might be a quarter life crisis or just a stirring in my soul

so this what twenty looks like on me. ugh i dont like this feeling. two decades sounds so ancient. i think its hard to move on once you get to college from your high school perception of what a birthday should be like. you get up in the morning and your moms got the chocolate chip muffins cooking downstairs. then you get to school to find ten of your friends huddled around your wrapped locker with flowers and candy (but never balloons, those are illegal) and then you walk around all day and every who you know doesnt really care about you tells you happy birthday and maybe if youre lucky one of your teachers will embarrass you about it.

college is different. most are drunk the entire day, but me i wake up in my apartment and eat toast. that is how my birthday goes.

im just kidding, my mom is coming to visit which i couldnt be happier about. i talk to my mom abouot a lot of stuff (yeah im one of those girls) but when it comes to the things that really bother me i dont bring those things up. im not sure why, but i just have always had a really hard time telling her how i really feel. i guess i left the heavy stuff up to my friends. but its gotten to the point now where people i can really talk to are few and far between. most of my friends from high school have moved on and have new friends and even if they hadnt they still have a hard time empathizing with my situation. so perhaps im just desperate enough to let it all out with my mom. that probably sounded wrong.

twenty is a scary number, but i think im so caught up in everything else im feeling right now i really cant be upset about anything else. the strong realization that im growing up with surely hit me eventually. twenty is scary but twenty one is fun. i hope that twenty one treats me a little better. but until then all I can hope for another wonderful year on Gods green earth.