quarter life crisis

everyone you meet is fighting a great battle- Plato

this weekend was my joint 20th bday party with ebeth. kelley and jordan came and braved treacherous rain storms and a superlong drive just to be here with me. it meant so so much. i find that these kinds of things matter much more than they may have in the past to me. after the weekend was over i felt like everything was over now back to the grindstone again. forget that fun and friends and laughter do in fact exist. walking back into my room with tears in my eyes i saw the flowers that reminded me that someone out there in the world gives a fuck about me. its those little things i suppose that matter ultimately.

it meant so much that they came.

elizabeth says that maybe we arent supposed to really be happy. maybe life is just about those few short moments when you are afforded something that makes you truly happy. maybe all we're meant for is just living in hopes that we can find one of those good moments within all the bad once again. maybe those who have so called friends are just kidding themselves.

maybe they are.

its like sex. theres so much you have to go through. but all you really want is that ten second orgasm.


this kind of sucks though.
you think about these kinds of things when youre twenty.

i should probably just shut the fuck up. when i get work things will get better. im just alone because i dont get to do what i love to do right now and that makes me sad. maybe when i get work things will get better.

or maybe they wont get better.

and in that case i will chalk it up to elizabeth being right as always. its we're all just working toward those few good moments.