fuck it and come home.

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone...


And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

thursday i gave up.
im done pretending for other peoples' benefits while i suffer in ways that no one else could understand.

i am leaving here.

it seems as though lately things have been coming to a head. i am literally physically exhausted from crying and worrying and being upset about everything. jordan, who has always been very supportive of me staying here and completing the goals i had set for myself finally told me that i could not stay here. he said you just cant stay there, you just cant.

robyn pushed me over the edge. she summed it up in a few simple words: fuck it and come home.

so simple. why didnt i think of that before.

i think that i have gotten over the whole giving up=losing thing. i know now that me leaving here doesnt mean i failed or that i cant handle here. the truth is this is just not the right place for me. i find comfort in the fact that this time next year only one of the six girls from our graduating class at rhs who came here for school will still be here. its not me its this place. i have come to terms with that.

and anyone who says this wasnt a hard decision to make is lying. if i were to stay here i could graduate quickly and easily, but going somewhere else is going to require a lot of starting over again. im very scared about the whole thing. i have a lot more work ahead of me because of the decisions i have made. in essence i have fucked myself over.

im not sure where i want to go to school. i am looking at my options. uga is my top pick though. its the best school out of the ones im looking at and one of the big problems with ut was a lack of social life. i know ill have a social life at uga. its scary to think about how behind in school ill be and how extra hard ill have to work to make up for lost time, potentially being in school for an extra year and certainly working my ass off during the summer, but as kelley, jordan and robyn all said, no matter what i can bet on things wherever i go and whatever i do and however it works out to be better than they are here.

my concerns are far from over, but honestly if my concerns were over i would be a little worried about that too.

i need to clean the kitchen